TV Recaps

Pretty Little Liars Recap: "Blood is the New Black"

A’s back in Rosewood, bitches, and the strings she’s pulling won’t be fraying anytime soon.

Two things enter my mind when the show opens this week. 1) Does Rosewood have a dress code? 2) What is hanging from Hanna’s ears? Meanwhile, Emily discovers a necklace made of teeth and beads that spell, “dead girls can’t smile.” The girls have a powwow in a bathroom stall that feels like a déjà vu moment, but it’s just because they have these same argument every week. Do they go to the police?  Do they keep quiet to protect _____? This week it’s in the name of Emily. Unfortunately, a clumsy moment causes Aria to drop the necklace in the toilet and the sensor causes it to flush.

Next they argue about Hanna visiting Mona and Spencer visiting Garrett as well as whether or not Jenna and Lucas are connected to the Black Swan. Maybe the Black Swan was just asking where the bathroom was or if the punch was spiked? Ever think of that, girls? Hanna stalks away, but lies to Caleb about what she’s doing after school. He wasn’t born yesterday, so he knows even though she thinks he doesn’t. When Spencer visits Garrett, he refuses to say anything other than someone is fooling them – because apparently that should be enough for Spencer to convince her mom to defend him. Naturally, her Nancy Drew skills point toward Jenna.

Hanna’s visit with Mona does little to help them as well. Well, except for Hanna psychologically, who finally flips out on Mona for everything she did to her. Wren forces Hanna to leave and Mona eyes her ID badge with the name Rivers that she threw in the garbage. Wren understands her though because his father was a crazy man and he had to visit him in institutions. Whoa. He goes all doctor on her and explains how she has to mourn the Mona she lost and who Mona is. And again, I’m distracted by her earrings.

Hanna’s lies caught up to her later when she was with Caleb. Instead of coming clean she added another lie to the pack and says she’s thinking about visiting Mona. These two argue and Caleb caves and offers to come along. He’s such a good boyfriend when Hanna is such a bad girlfriend. Still, I root for these kids. As promised, Caleb tags along and waits outside while Hanna does Mona’s makeup. Nice way to get to that need to be pretty and popular side of Mona. It seems to work because Mona is all, “You’re getting them again,” in the creepiest way possible and then checks out again. Not only does Hanna leave, but she forgets a pair of tweezers, which Mona picks up and uses to cut her finger. You just know she’s writing letters in blood to someone.  Unfortunately for Hanna, leaving Caleb to wait was a bad idea. Wren informed him that Hanna had been coming repeatedly, confirming yet another lie. Tisk, tisk, Hanna.

In Arialand, Byron’s student that he had an affair with is applying for a position at their high school. In a flashback we saw Aria and Alison searching Byron’s office, finding a pair of earrings, and trashing the office as if it was a lover scorned moment out of Fatal Attraction. Aria tells the girls about it and admits that the earrings were buried with Alison – creepy! Later, A blackmails Aria into telling her father the truth about what happened in his office. Byron says Meredith deserves an apology. What about her apology for banging a married man, B? The ever so dutiful daughter she is, Aria apologizes and returns the earrings, but low and behold it’s not Meredith’s. Duh. Just because you find an earring in your philandering father’s office doesn’t mean it belongs to the woman you caught him boinking. These girls really need to work on their detective skills. Like seriously.

Aria also convinced Ezra to tutor Emily, who is failing at life after the death of her girlfriend. I’m too busy thinking about the things Ezra could tutor me in to care. When Emily takes the exam, she has a total flakeout moment because she sees another student clasping her hair up in a way that causes her to flashback to the night of her drunken, graveyard stupor. Turns out NotSoBlind Jenna was driving the car. She stammers and stumbles her way out of the classroom without finishing her test, but that’s okay because when Ella grades it later, she decides to finish the test for her. Something tells me A sees this and it will come back to bite Emily and possibly Ella in the behind. Ezra drops by to check on Emily’s grade and Ella informs him she did well.

Meanwhile, Toby shows Spencer a couple bottles of unused eye drops belonging to NotSoBlind Jenna. They were supposed to be for her after her surgery. Spencer is all aghast that Toby thinks Jenna can see. Clearly these two haven’t seen her stumbling around like a drunk in a poor attempt to pretend she’s blind. It takes the girls actually setting Jenna up to realize that she can see.

Now those moments aside, let’s have a moment of silence for that seriously hot makeout scene that almost led to sexy times on the couch. Damn Spencer’s mama for being a #&$@block! …Speaking of Spencer’s mama, well, it turns out she’s Garrett’s attorney. Funny considering she barred Spencer from seeing Garrett.

And that’s what happened in Rosewood this week folks. As per usual, more questions, less answers. What’s Mama Hastings up to? Whose earrings were in Byron’s office? Did Jenna really drive Emily the night of her blackout? Will using Jenna’s eyesight actually help the girls at all? And just what is A doing with all those hoodies? 

About the author

Amber Cunigan

Amber Cunigan is a sarcastic mid-twenties undergrad, extreme book hoarder, Netflix addict, and reality TV aficionado. She enjoys excessive amounts of chocolate and caffeine, tweeting, and all things Ezra Fitz and Ryan Gosling. When it comes to TV, she expects to be thoroughly entertained and when not, she will slam and mock you, but still tune in next week. She's a glutton for punishment. Basically, she's awesome.