On Tuesday’s episode of Cougar Town, we 80’s kids got a real treat. An homage to the classic John Hughes’ teen film, The Breakfast Club, in where the cul-de-sac crew reveal their deepest thoughts through voiceovers.
In the opening scene, the gang are in Jules’s kitchen, talking about The Breakfast Club. Laurie can put lipstick on between her breast, like Molly Ringwald’s character; Elle impersonates Ally Sheedy’s character, by shaking her head to make dandruff fall. While everyone gushes about the film, Jules blurts out that she thought it sucked. Her reasons? To dramatic and when you’re a kid your problems aren’t that important. Laurie is shocked by her statement and tells everyone her past with the law, including being waterboarded at the age of 14.
Jules jumps in and says that nobody has had a criminal past like Laurie. One by one the gang admits their brush in with the law. Grayson was a male escort (no sex, but over the clothes stuff), Elle got into trouble numerous times, and Bobby shot someone. Jules is disturbed by the fact that everyone has broken the law but her.
Meanwhile, at Grayson’s Pub, Grayson reads a review of his pub, that refers to him as an “obnoxious dick”. Elle comes to the bar and tortures Grayson over his review. He questions why he gets bashed for being silent when Ellie is a bitch to everyone else. She tells him it’s the look of contempt he gives everyone. In which Tom says, “It’s like staring into two tiny pools of judgement. Grayson doesn’t agree, but his voiceover matches a look of contempt he gives someone who withers away. Grayson tries to fake it, but he can’t say anything nice, but he tries to smile and it makes him look like a seriel killer. Tom’s voiceover tells Grayson it will make him look less creepy, if he thinks of something that makes him happy.
Then Grayson’s voiceover launches into an appreciation of his own body, with touching his butt. A confused Ellie tells him that she has no idea what he’s doing, but “it’s like watching a gay portn with just one dude in it”. She then leaves by saying she owes Andy a quickie for telling her cousin she died so Ellie wouldn’t have to go to the baby shower.
Laurie and Bobby offer to help Jules get into trouble. Tom suggests they steal supplies from the hospital to make crystal meth, but Jules suggests stealing from a grocery store. Jules is nervous, while Bobby sits in an aisle and makes himself lunch, insisting that he’s not actually stealing because everything is still there. Lori tells Jules not to draw attention to herself, but Jules yells, “I’m loud, I like attention”. Jules realizes she can’t go through with it and leaves. Without knowing, Laurie puts a hair dryer in her bag. The two get busted and are put in grocery store jail, where Bobby later joins them. Travis confides in Andy that he is having impotent issues, for which Andy is having the same issue with Ellie. Andy realizes that he has “Sypotence”, due to Travis dealing with the same thing, who admits this in front of Travis and his dorm-mates. Because Andy can’t function until Travis does, he calls in Tom to examine him. Tom gives Andy good news and says, “It’s nice to meet another dude whose bacon hangs left of the eggs. Andy confides to Travis that it’s an emotional issuehe’s feeling and that he needs to face his feeling for Laurie.
Ellie tags along with Grayson to the grocery store, while continuing to torture him and revealing that she wrote the mean review. In a bonding moment between the two, Ellie points out that they are the only ones who are mean for no reason and that the two of them balance them out. Grayson tells Ellie he feels better about himself when he judges others. Grayson eats a grape and gets both him and Ellie sent to the grocery store jail with the others. The managers says they can leave if they write an essay and Jules gives him a hug, while stealing his pen. Jules considers the day a success, because she felt she missed out on something marrying and having a kid so young. She encourages Laurie not to do the same, which Laurie runs to Travis and confesses her true feelings to him.
As the episode ends, the essay Jules writes for the grocery store manager crosses into the same voiceover ending as The Breakfast Club where all they all accept titles of “A Good Two Shoes”, “A Freeloader” and “A dick. A handsome dick”. It ends with Jules doing the Judd Nelson walk with the long coat and a fist in the air.