‘American Horror Story Coven’ Review: ‘The Replacements’

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Michele K. Short/FX

This show is has me hook, line, and sinker.  I don’t even care how creepy Minotaur sex is or that goat’s blood is the new fertility treatment. Mr. Murphy is continuing to use his cast to the best of their abilities.  Accordingly, here’s my top OMG moments.

Fiona really is HBIC of all TV right now

We get to see Fiona’s backstory of how she became Supreme. It involves a knife and blood. I told you people she would cut anyone who gets in her way and she literally did. What’s awesome is watching present day Fiona remember exactly how her powers happened and realizing she is now on the flip side of that relationship when it comes to Madison.

Madison is the young, beautiful, up and coming Supreme, she is the future of the Coven and has no idea the power she already has. As screwed up as she is, Madison just wants to be loved and shown attention.  Fiona taking her under her wing as her mentor is the passing of the torch. That’s how life works, young becomes old and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. That’s Fiona’s quandary, she knows this is how the world works, but she’s still too vain to step aside and relinquish power. For this reason, you should never ever get into a shouting match with Fiona where she pulls a knife. You will end up diced like sushi on the living room rug… just ask Madison.

The shocker was Fiona revealing she has cancer.  The “I’ve led a disreputable life, but I’ve done it in style, and I’ll die likewise,” line is her life motto, plain and simple. But it’s her last line,  “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme, it needs a new rug,” while smoking a cigarette in a stunning red dress is why she keeps her reigning title of HBIC this week for me.

New and Improved Kyle gets some justice

SO Mr. Murphy is pushing the boundaries with Kyle’s story and I’m okay with it. We see that Kyle’s mother is a druggie mess and seems to be a wreck after losing her son in the bus accident. Except it’s not the normal parent losing a child love, it’s because she’s been raping him for years and she’s “in love” with him.

When she started kissing him and he started crying, I thought, ‘Oh god. Are they really going here?’ Yeah, it was uncomfortable and icky to watch, but that’s the point, it makes you think about things that aren’t always rainbows and kittens. When he finally snaps and starts beating her with the trophy, I have to admit that I was not upset. Poor Zoe comes back to find his mother’s face bashed in and all she was trying to do was get Kyle back to his family. No good deed goes unpunished.

Delia and her empty uterus

In irony of ironies, Delia still cannot get pregnant, even after that weird mating dance with her husband in the circle with snakes. So, to get pregnant, she turns to Madame Laveau and NOT her mother. Baby fever has made Delia lose her damn mind. She is the daughter of Laveau’s sworn enemy, there is no way in hell Marie is going to help her conceive a child.

It’s the Sharks vs. the Jets, except it’s women so it’s 1000 times more vicious. Also, it adds one more thing to Delia’s running list of failures Fiona has as her mother. Fiona took her last chance to have a baby away from her without even realizing it.  I bet this becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Delphine as the new slave

Fiona making Delphine the house slave was awesome, but Fiona making her Queenie’s personal slave was IT. Karma, meet Delphine. Queenie’s demands cracked me up. She is just screwing with Delphine because she can and it’s totally okay. Let’s get to the ‘what in the actual hell is going on’ moment though.

The Minotaur that Delphine created by torturing her slave is back for revenge. Delphine is petrified and lies to Queenie that he raped her daughter. We all know it’s lies, but Queenie buys it and saves Delphine from him by sending her away. So far, so good, right? Even when Queenie cut her for the blood on the rag, I was still hanging in there like ‘oh, she’s going to trick him into following her blood scent and then get rid of him.’ And then she leads him into the barn and starts masturbating in front of him.

Here’s where I had my out loud ‘whaaaat the eff is going on!!!!’ moment. It gets better, though, because the scene ends with the Minotaur coming up behind her like he’s going to mount her and the last thing you see is his horn (the sharp one, not the other one) going to Queenie’s neck. THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE SEX WITH A HALF MAN/HALF BULL CREATURE, someone is going to end gored and not the way they wanted.

Shout Outs

-Christine Ebersole as Fiona’s mentor, Anna-Lee Leighton.  She’s always entertaining on-screen, I’m just bummed Fiona sharpened her skills on her. (You see what I did there.)

-Patti LuPone as the ‘Good Christian’ neighbor; is it wrong I want her to sing at some point. Predictable, I know, but I’m easily amused.

-Delphine losing her mind when she realizes Obama is the president and Fiona taking delight in it.  It will never get old.

-New Orleans, you just calling me to visit.

About The Author

Angela Romack is writes what you’re thinking about when it comes to your favorite TV shows. If you don’t agree, that's fine. She's okay with being right. Follow her on Twitter at @AngelaMRomack.