Another week down in Rosewood, folks. I’m feeling more confused than I have in a while. Here’s hoping A’s antics begin to add up. And if all else fails, can Jason’s beautiful face and hair grace us with his presence soon?
While the girls are conferencing about Not So Blind Jenna (it’s basically the same conversation they had last week, but with different snide, one-liners), Lucas comes barreling out of the principal’s office with a five o’clock shadow and furrowed brow. Concerned, Hanna follows him into a classroom where he tells her he’s doing terrible in school and sets fire to a note from the principal and tosses it in the trashcan. For some reason, Hanna grabs a magazine to try and fan it out – again, these girls aren’t the brightest – but thankfully Caleb swings in with a water bottle and saves the day. He’s not concerned about Lucas because he thinks this is Lucas’ attempt to make up for his lack of bad boy behavior. Still, Caleb agrees to talk to Lucas if Hanna won’t visit Mona anymore. She rolls her eyes and mutters that he’s sweet in a way that says her boyfriend is too dumb to realize she’ll keep going anyway. Poor Caleb. He’s dutiful and talks to Lucas, who is all you tried to set my girlfriend on fire, which is a major exaggeration. However, Lucas is walking the fine line between Holden Caulfield angst and seriously crazy, so I get it.
Meanwhile, Aria gets friendly with Jenna and Emily questions Ella about her grade. Jenna is fabulous and creepy and Emily realizes Ella fixed her grade for her. Considering everything that A has done to Emily, it makes sense that she’s this paranoid. Aria tells Emily to let it go, but then gets all spooky about A. This time, Emily is fired up and ready to fight back. This isn’t really the first time she’s said that though, so I can’t help but roll my eyes.
Melissa is back from Washington – without her baby?! – and her and Spencer’s mother informs them she’s representing Garrett. Spencer is upset when her sister doesn’t take her side because this stopped meaning something to Melissa three months ago. Miscarriage? Like whoa. Later, she drowns her crazy sister sorrows in a bottle of wine while Spencer throws accusations. Melissa reminds her that some people have lost everything. Boom. Miscarriage confirmed. Did anyone else see this coming? Melissa says she hopes that Garrett gets off because he’s the only man who’s told her the truth.
While practicing with Aria, Jenna asks about Emily and digs around in her life a bit. Aria finds a post-it with the note, “H. Cobb 4:15 Wed. Ear plugs,” and her Nancy Drew sense starts to tingle. She tells the girls and they’re all we know nothing. The puzzle pieces are missing. And they feel about as lost as we do as viewers. Hanna furthers the holes in their lives by questioning the paternity of Melissa’s baby. Could it be Garrett’s? Talk about a major WTF-possibility.
Despite their stresses, Aria squeezes in some TLC with my beloved Ezra Fitz, who I’m finding cute and charming this week. I’ll never be over her parents accepting this (and yes, I know you are tired of hearing that, but like REALLY, ELLA AND BYRON?!). Aria tells him about what happened with Emily and he’s not surprised. Not only does Ezra overstep his bounds with Ella by dating her teenage daughter, but he gets up in her business with Emily as well. This would annoy me if I was Ella, but surprisingly, she confides the truth in him. Is this a major step forward in their relationship?
Hanna goes to visit Mona, whose new medication forces her to talk about water and miss chewing gum. She’s a subdued version of her former self, and I find myself missing her loud, craziness. Hanna is all A is still out there and Mona coddles her sweetly and creepily and promises not to abandon the girls. She ends their conversation by asking if what is left of Alison has been found. Double creepy. Hanna’s visit ends and she sees Lucas showing up at Mona’s mental hospital. Here’s hoping he’s checking himself in. Things don’t get any easier for Hanna when she leaves and finds Caleb outside. He doesn’t want her visiting Madhouse Mona, but she insists that the Mona in there is the one who used to be her friend. Lucas interrupts their argument and Hanna gets up in his face. He’s unfazed and reminds her that it’s probably best for everyone if Mona stays crazy. So what’s he getting at? And does this have anything to deal with the Black Swan at the dance? Color me confused.
The next day, Hanna and Aria follow Jenna while Spencer calls Melissa’s doctor and pretends to be her to get a copy of her patient records. Hanna and Aria are terrible stalkers because they follow right behind her, first in a cab and then in a car she’s driving. When did Jenna learn to drive? Who would have taught her? Spencer learns Melissa has no record of being at the hospital she said she was. This causes Spencer to check on her sister’s hotel stay and she learns Melissa and her mother stayed three days past what she was told. Ezra goes to the principal and covers for Ella and Emily. Ella appears relieved. Emily looks pressed. Can’t this girl just accept a break when she’s given one? The two adults wax the poetic about being terrible role models. Ezra is all we used to be friends – but that was before you were dating her daughter, dude.
After their separate shenanigans, the girls meet up near Jenna’s car and Hanna decides to walk in front of it, horrifying a new driver that was once blind. It probably wasn’t the best idea. Jenna tells the girls hiding her sight is a form of protection after having someone try and kill her. Emily asks her about the night she was in her car and she says it was the middle of the night and Emily was standing in the road, drunk and crying, so she picked her up. She freaked out and jumped out of the car before Jenna could get her home. When the girls balk at covering for Jenna, she reminds them that they owe it to her, which let’s be honest, they kind of do. So far Jenna isn’t guilty of anything other than being a downright bitch. That’s a fair exchange considering they had a hand in making her blind.
While they are confronting Jenna, Caleb is visiting Mona and threatening her. Reason #453 that he’s the best boyfriend. Unfortunately Mona has a major Madhouse Mona flip out that tempts me to change the channel. Run, Caleb, run!
At home, Spencer confronts her mother about her and Melissa’s lies. She says Melissa was faking her lengthy pregnancy, which wasn’t the first place my mind would have gone, but her mother confirms it. Judging from her mother’s response, it seems Melissa was pregnant only for not as long as we were led to believe. Was it before or after Ian’s death? Was Garrett really taking her to doctor appointments? So many questions and again not enough answers.
The episode ends with Mona strapped down and singing softly in a bed and A storing a bottle of vodka in a freezer with what is presumably Alison’s body. I get that A may be cramped for space, but storing vodka with an iced corpse cannot be a good idea.
See you next week.