Sons of Anarchy Recap: "Laying Pipe"

The boys of SAMCRO are behind bars this week in an all new episode of the hit FX drama this week.

Jax, Opie, Chibs, and Tig are officially in the slammer, and what better way to enter than to have everyone already want to kill them. Luckily, the Spanish gang comes to their defense and immediately offers their protection. Seriously, gangs are fun like this. You go to jail and immediately get respect and new friends. It’s like a really crappy time share. I bet the SAMCRO health plan is phenomenal.

Nero and Gemma are still sleeping together. I was totally clean here and deserve a reward. There are hickeys and shit everywhere, cuuuuuuuuute. Gemma is worried about Jax being in jail. Honestly if my son was that attractive I’d worry for other reasons. Forget death, the boy has a fabulous behind.

Jax is brought to see the commanding officer, and it turns out Pope is there. This dude seriously has the hookup. He runs a gang, the whole damn town, gets ice cream for little kids, sets other people’s kids on fire, and can walk in and out of a prison. Hook a bitch up with some Lady Gaga tickets!! Pope wants certain things from Jax: half of SAMCRO’s profits from running drugs, and one of Jax’s men dead. It cannot be Tig because Pope wants him to suffer in jail. That means Jax has to choose between Chibs and Opie to be killed. Jax refuses this idea and tells Pope he will not go to war with him. Unfortunately as Pope explains: they are already at war.

Gemma goes and visits the grandkids in daycare but she does NOT have permission to see them. Tara has to provide written consent that Gemma is allowed to be around the kids at the hospital. If my grandma had hickeys on her neck and was stoned…..wait she sounds fun! Tara refuses to sign the permission slip. Fight bitches FIGHTTTTT! Every line of dialogue our of Tara’s mouth nowadays sounds like a Gemmaism (yes I made up a word). She is turning into what she hates most: an old lady.

Clay wants Juice to take him to see Gemma. He’s lost everything and doesn’t want to lose his wife. I think pounding the shit out of her face was really the tipping point dude. For some odd reason, I just love Clay, but he has to pull out some Houdini shit if he thinks Gemma will take him back any time soon.

Drea de Matteo alert!!! Gemma has paid a visit to Wendy, Jax’s ex-wife. Not for nothing but wow do these people hang out at the hospital a lot. Seriously besides the bar it seems like there is nowhere to hang out in Charming. Gemma wants to use Wendy to get the kids away from Tara. She also lies and tells her Tara is popping pills, and now is the perfect opportunity to get Abel (her son with Jax) away from Tara. Ok whatever Gemma is smoking is making her really stupid. THIS BITCH HATES YOU TOO. She’d rather have a drug addict watch her grandkids than Tara. We all know I hate Tara…I vote for the drug addict too!

Pope has prearranged for the boys to be put in solitary after they start a fight. Once they do, Jax must pick a member of his club to die. They get strip searched (hey boy heyyyyyyy) and sent to solitary immediately.

Meanwhile in the prison that is this damn hospital, Wendy visits Tara. Tara is not happy. Seriously when is Tara ever happy lately? The bitch is PRESSED. She tells Wendy that there is not a chance in hell she will ever get custody of HER son. I disagree with this a smidge, why can she not see her son at least? The lady is clean and deserves supervised visitation. Now I sound like an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Moving on! Tara has figured out that Gemma is behind everything. Wendy admits this was all Gemma’s doing, but is more so shocked at how much Tara sounds like Gemma. Transition complete….but really Tara does not dress slutty enough to be Gemma or have as much sex.

The solitary guard wants Jax to name a member to kill. Jax proceeds to tell Opie EVERYTHING. He tells him what his father’s old letters said, why Clay went after Piney, how RICO built a case against the club, and wow that was a lot of information. It was basically Seasons 1-4 in super swift recap sans random perfectly placed butt shots. Opie attacks Jax and argues with him that he should have let him kill Clay.

Tara calls Gemma out for the shit she tried to pull with Wendy. She loves her, but she’s also willing to cut a bitch. Gemma is not afraid of Tara, but Tara warns her that it’s Jax she should be scared of. If Gemma’s not careful, Tara will tell Jax to kill her. This is some serious shit folks.

Juice takes Clay to the fancy brothel where he meets Nero. Clay does not seem intimidated by Nero, and wants to partake in some brothel fun! He takes an interest in a young girl named Emma and OMG THAT’S ASHLEY TISDALE!! This. Feels. Inappropriate. And. Ew.

The guard checks on Opie and Jax and tells Jax if he doesn’t pick someone to kill, HE will pick one. Jax tells Opie he has no choice but to pick someone. Well gee thanks for the status update.

Gemma returns to the brothel and Nero tries to cover for Clay, but Juice leaves his female companion’s room and BUSTED. Gemma goes into Clay’s room and sees Emma leaving the bathroom and then decides it’s the best time to kick the little bitch’s ass. Clay looks on with pride. Poor Ashley Tisdale just got her face pounded.

The guards bring Opie, Jax, Chibs and Tig into a separate room and demands Jax’s choice. Jax refuses to choose and goes to hit the guard, but Opie steps in and head butts the guard instead. Oh. Good Ol’ Ope. Opie is dragged into the other room while Jax screams No. Opie clearly volunteered to protect Jax. Out of everyone in Jax’s life Opie seemed to be the only person who truly ever put Jax’s needs before his own. Jax, Chibs and Tig are left to watch as the guards let in some inmates to beat up Opie. Tig and Jax turn away, Chibs screams, and Opie is beaten to death. Only episode 3 and already so much death this season. Opie was a good guy, but the good guys do not last long on this show. Jax tells the guard he will find out who he is and when he gets out he will kill him. Hopefully this does not come back to bite Jax in the ass, and he gets rid of this guy quickly.

Gemma apologizes to Nero for beating up Emma. Emma quit. She already works for another escort service. Wow that was fast. Who knew Ashley Tisdale would rake in the dough? Gemma explains she was pissed off with Clay but that she does not love him. Really Gemma? I mean the last time you kicked a bitch’s ass was because you really did love him. Suspicious!

Pope meets with Jax again, and is pleased he has kept his end of the bargain so far. Jax explains that he watched his best friend die, and wants Tig released along with himself and Chibs. Jax will use Tig to do his bidding, and Pope can kill him later on if he so desired. Pope is impressed with Jax and respects how he has grown in his leadership position. He agrees, and Jax is allowed to call Tara to let her know he is okay.

Gemma is still at Nero’s place and the cops raid the joint. She gets arrested along with all the other prostitutes, and it is speculated that Emma is the one who ratted them all out. Boo Ashley Tisdale. Boo!

Jax tells Chibs and Tig what he discussed with Pope. Tig seems shocked that he is going to be released, but Jax tells him it comes with a price. Tig must always vote Jax’s way in all club matters and he will have to back him up completely on every issue. Word! Jax isn’t playing around and he is becoming more of a leader with each episode.

What will happen when the boys are released from jail? How will the club react to Opie’s death? Will Gemma tell Clay where he can stick his oxygen tank? Did all those prostitutes make bail? Where did Ashley Tisdale go?! Will Tara start dressing like Gemma and invest in leather? Tune in next week for a new Sons of Anarchy.