'Sons of Anarchy' Recap: "Stolen Identity"

The fallout from the death of a beloved SAMCRO member kicks off this week’s Sons of Anarchy. The show begins with a touching moment as Jax flashes a smile at two young children on their bikes looking at the motorcycle club in awe. His happiness is short lived however, as he is returning home from prison and still coping with the death of his best friend Opie.

Gemma is in jail because she got arrested for prostitution. With the way Gemma dresses, she should not be surprised. Spending the night in jail with a bunch of prostitutes is a rite of passage! Carla (Nero’s leading call girl, and actually Jimmy Smits’ long time companion: HEY NOW) is pissed off at Gemma for basically existing. To make matters worse, Gemma gets bailed out before anyone else….by Wendy. Tara will be T-H-R-I-L-L-E-D. Gemma runs into Nero at the station, but he is there to make sure his girls get bailed out. I think they are having their first fight…..in a jail station….while on bond……..Hey, we’ve all been there! (For the record: really have not. #KindaTrashy; #WhiteTrashy #WhereIsYourTrailerParked?).

Jax arrives at the club and has a brief reunion with Tara and the kids. The club holds a meeting about Opie’s death and the deal Jax has made with Pope. Basically the club is screwed no matter what they do, and they have no choice but to do whatever Pope says. Tig is being very supportive of Jax…to the point where I hope someone stabs him. It’s obvious, we get it, you worship everything he says. Have a seat, calm down, eat some Fruit Loops. Unser arrives and lets them know Gemma was arrested, and Unser learns that Opie died. To which the crowd says…yeah, should have been you dude. I mean Old. Dying Already. Next predictable death that will happen. Just go.

Nero’s brothel is now closed. He has been evicted. #NowHeMightHaveToLiveInATrailer #Aww.

Wendy goes to the hospital to see Tara and by chance, sees her son Abel for the first time since he was pretty much a baby on crack. Abel has no idea who she is. I feel bad for Wendy myself, in part because well…I still hate Tara. Wendy thinks it is unfair that she cannot get to know Abel and warns Tara that he will grow up wondering who his real mother is…..well not if they LIE to the kid and say nothing. Is she missing the point?

Jax goes to get Gemma and tells her go home after he finds out she beat up Emma the prostitute (Still played by Ashley Tisdale and her new nose). Since she got Nero’s brothel closed down, Jax apologizes to his new Latin hero and offers whatever help he can. Nero asks that they protect Emma from Nero’s “guys” because they will kill her for ratting out their organization to the cops. Carla overhears this entire conversation and makes a phone call…….BITCH.

Gemma goes to the club and has a talk with Clay, and his oxygen tank, of course. She’s mad about his brothel behavior. Really? I love Gemma, but she lacks rationality. She wants him to keep his distance, he lets her know he is pretty much disgusted with her. This is basically foreplay for these two. Clay lets it slip that Opie has passed away, and Gemma is devastated. Clay hugs her and she returns the hug, but quickly pulls away, runs away, and then falls apart, wondering what the hell is happening to her family.

Jax and Chibs find Emma “working” and inform her they are there to help her. She insists she did not rat out Nero. I believe her because her old nose didn’t grow back. Nero’s guys show up, so Jax/Chibs/Emma speed away trying to outrun them. Jax and Emma fall from his bike as they are trying to make their escape. Everyone pulls their guns, neighbors are hiding, no one calls the cops, someone has posted this on Youtube already, Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Kids…. Okay so that didn’t really happen, but Jax cons the guys into letting his club kill Emma. He is lying, but the look of confusion and fear on Emma’s face is worth it. The men want proof she is dead, and I QUOTE: “a thumb and a tit” as proof she’s dead. Even Jax is like: Ewwwww.

When Jax arrives back at the club, he tells Nero he thinks it was a setup. Carla admits she was the one who called them. Never trust the whore! Gemma is annoyed that Jax brought Emma to the club. Gemma, I love you, but you are being an annoying harpy. Shut up. Emma tells Gemma (that rhymes) that she did not sleep with Clay, nor did she call the cops…..but Vanessa Hudgens would have totally called the cops. #TrueStory

Tara tells Jax about Wendy being all up in their shit. She thinks Wendy is right and they should tell Abel that Wendy is his mother. Jax does not want to tell Abel anything. He hates Wendy, thinks she is trouble and that they should revisit this issue years from now. Tara does not really seem to care that he said no, and is more relieved he is backing her up as Abel’s mom. This was very Gemmaesque of her…just without the leather outfit and badly dyed hair.

Opie’s casket arrives at the club. It’s black and I expected it to be fully tricked out. They seriously gave him a Death Metal style coffin, as it should be. Lyla, Opie’s wife, is crying because she does not know how she can support three kids and continue her career in porn. It’s called multitasking. I did it in college. Not porn, I mean multitasking. Also, hire a babysitter, hell, hire Gemma, she’s free most days. Jax explains to her that the club is her family and all she needs to do is ask them for help. No one will say no.

Nero and Gemma are hugging, and Clay is jellsies!!!! Jax smirks at how pissed off Clay is, but pulls Nero aside for a meeting. Jax is interested in getting the club into the escort business. He wants a 50/50 deal with Nero so they can run it together. Nero is fine with this deal as long as his business does not cross into other SAMCRO dealings like guns and drugs. Jax also asks Nero to stay away from Gemma, not because she is his mother, but because she is trouble. Jax’s love for Gemma has seriously dwindled down to almost nothing. She better watch her step….

Gemma pays Wendy back for bailing her out, and tells her Opie died. Wendy wants to pay her respects, but Gemma says it is a bad idea. Tara sees Wendy leaving and is furious with Gemma. They scuffle a bit, but Gemma sets her off and says that Carla is the one they should be mad at. Carla is the one who caused Jax’s motorcycle accident. Gemma punches Carla and this brassy bitch takes her earrings off. Carla is choking Gemma, so Tara grabs a tire iron and hits Carla on the knee. The two of THEM then go at it and Tara proceeds to beat the shit out of her, as Gemma just watches smiling. Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law bonding at its best, folks.

CUE THE MUSICAL MONTAGE!! Seriously there is one every week. Opie’s wake begins, and he gets PRESENTS!!! He got a hat, tequila, and seriously more presents than I got on my birthday this year! Someone better seriously take that tequila back. I’m not even playing. Gemma sees Nero leave with Carla (awwwwww), Tara is getting high because she cannot deal with being Gemma 2.0, and Jax places a photo of himself and Opie as kids on bikes in Opie’s casket. Opie’s body is carried out and Jax leads the procession as they close the door on Opie forever.

How will Gemma react to the news her and Nero are over? Will prostitution be a successful business venture for Jax? Can Carla hit Tara in the face with a tire iron to fix that nose situation? Will Jax continue making big decisions and moves now that Opie is gone? Tune in next week for an all new Sons of Anarchy.