Sons of Anarchy Season Premiere Recap: "Sovereign"

Season 5 of the hit FX drama, Sons of Anarchy hits the ground running with secrets, lies, death and mayhem!

The boys of SAMCRO (Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original) are back and are left in a period of transition as Jax Teller takes the reigns of the club from Clay. In last year’s finale, we saw Clay get shot by Opie, after Opie learns Clay murdered his father Piney. Jax, having learned of Clay’s involvement in his own father’s death, let’s Clay live solely for the benefit of the club.

Jax narrates the story, as he is writing to his children just as his father did. Gemma is doing what she does best….having sex while drunk and high! Bonus points: She is sleeping with Jimmy Smits who has just joined this season. It’s been half a minute and we already saw his butt. This might seriously be a new record for Jimmy.

The Club is in a state of turmoil after last season’s events, and the accidental death of a rival gangs daughter at the hands of Tig. SAMCRO gets attacked by the Niners during one of their runs, and the gang wars have begun!

Tara…..annoys the crap out of me. I hate her. Mark this down now before ya’ll start wondering why I throw more shade on her than anyone else. She wants to put the kids in daycare instead of letting Gemma take care of them. What. Ever.

Gemma wakes up from her mass orgy not remembering anything. Poor Jimmy Smits leaves the bathroom to have a gun pulled on him. We learn his name is Nero, and that he is a”companionator”….which is the best description ever given by a Pimp as to what he does for a living. Gemma is angry she slept with a Spanish Pimp. Okay actually she was a little more racist with her wording, but I run a clean ship here folks! Nero picked up Gemma at the bar, where they bonded over their open heart surgery scars. Why can I never meet a man doing this? Seriously I need to whip out my scars more. So poor Gemma blacked out and doesn’t recall any of the events that took place…..even the parts where she invited two chicks into the bedroom. But I digress….

Clay is wearing a breathing tube, slumping around while no one knows the truth about the circumstances of his shooting except Jax, Gemma, Opie and Unser. He refuses to go to Piney’s memorial, leaving some Club members confused.

Side note: Nero’s Brothel is one classy joint. I’m not kidding there is coffee and a receptionist and everything!! If they have Free Wifi it is the greatest place on Earth.

At Piney’s memorial, Jax tells Opie that no one knows the truth. The truth will come out, but it cannot come out now. The Irish will only do business with Clay, so Jax needs Clay alive until an arms deal goes through. Opie is pissed, but who can blame the poor guy.

Clay is picking up his stuff at Gemma’s place. It WAS their place, but he seriously beat the shit out of her last season. Gemma gives him two minutes to say his peace. He knows she wants him dead and that she wanted Jax to kill him. He knows he cannot apologize for his actions, but he will keep Gemma’s secrets with him to the grave. He loves her, always will, but she will not let him touch her. Gemma is one tough bitch!

Everyone is keeping secrets and it seems to be a huge theme that will play into the rest of the season. Jax is secretly working with the government, and the other SAMCRO members are oblivious. He gets Bobby released from prison, but has to lie to the Club in order to protect the case against the Irish Cartel. Cops are seriously annoying on this show. Roosevelt, the local cop, is annoying the Club, and blackmailing Juice that he will tell the Club he is part Black (something Juice can be killed over). The Niners also have their own issues. When Tig killed connected gangster Damon Pope’s daughter, he incited a gang war. Pope wants his daughter’s death avenged and the Niners are failing miserably, so he has to take matters into his own hands.

At the SAMCRO meeting, new members join from the Nomad charter. Seriously this show has casted most of the inmates from Oz it seems. Clay interrupts the meeting and tells the boys that he killed Piney. He leaves out the details of all of his past indiscretions and claims it was self-defense. He also tells them that Opie was the one who shot him and he lied that the Niners did it. Jax is suspicious of Clay and wants to know his motive. Clay claims he has no motive but the good of the Club, but is this really a power play on Clay’s end? We’ll see!!

Gemma is pissed that Tara put the kids in daycare. Get her Gemma! Get her!! She also doesn’t understand why Clay is still alive. Nero calls Gemma to check up on her, and now she has his phone number. Oh God they are kinda cute together. Nemma? Gero? This is getting way too cheesy; I bet the guy is a secret scumbag.

The Niners and SAMCRO have a meet up. Jax gets beat up, a Niner dies, but the whole thing ends with Pope’s men saying the beef between the groups is over. Anyone else call bullshit?

Yep what you smell right there…..is Bullshit, because as the episode continues Damon captures Tig. Tig is prepared to die, but Damon feels that is too easy. Pope and his men have kidnapped Tig’s daughter. They throw gasoline on her and she is set on fire while still alive, right in front of her screaming father. Okay. Processing. OMG THAT WAS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT!!! WHAT THE HELL?! She dies, and Pope informs Tig that he, Jax, and Chibs will be arrested for murdering his daughter. Pope has hired people to say they saw them kill her. Oh. Boy. This is the first freaking episode of the season and I already need a Xanax.

Gemma lets Tara have it for putting the kids in daycare. Tara refuses to let Gemma watch the kids while she drinks and smokes pot. Rude! The best babysitters all did that. Jax learns from Unser that Pope has paid witnesses to come forward, and there is a warrant out for his arrest. Gemma encourages Jax to run, while Tara urges him to turn himself in. This is why we hate Tara and she is stupid because Jax will get murdered in prison. So Gemma takes Jax to Nero to hide out, and Tara is pissed. Actually Tara is an asshole because she is now smoking pot and ignoring her crying baby. Mandy don’t like hypocritical bitches.

The episode ends with Tig killing the cops arresting him, and Unser getting beat up by unseen assailants. Too much is happening and I don’t know what is going on!! Screw the Xanax!! I need a shot of Whisky and a box of Cheez-Its to deal.

What will happen to Tig now that he is murdering everyone and has gone bat shit cray? Will Jax continue to run or turn himself in? What is Clay really up to? Why is Tara so basic? Okay that last one will never get answered. Tune in next week for an all new Sons of Anarchy!