'Hart of Dixie' Recap: "Walkin' After Midnight"

For the past four weeks, I’ve started each recap basically gushing about how awesome “Hart of Dixie” has been this season and how much I’m enjoying it. I had a feeling that this week was going to bring that happiness to an end when I saw the promos, but I had no idea just how much I was going to dislike “Walkin’ After Midnight.”

The episode started out with Zoe doing the walk of shame in one of Wade’s flannel shirts, only to get caught in some cobwebs that had been set up as Halloween decorations. When Zoe got back to her place, she realized someone had been sleeping in her bed. She complained to Lavon that weird stuff was going on at her house, including a sock in her underwear drawer and a toothbrush that wasn’t hers in the bathroom. Lavon mocks her for having a stalker-organizer-dental hygienist on the loose and says it’s probably just Wade trying to scare her. The man in question grabs her from behind while wearing a mask. But when Zoe asks, Wade reminds her that he was tied up with her, literally, and that’s all Lavon wants to hear on the matter.

Lavon heads out to do campaign stuff and Lemon is encouraging the belles to get involved. Annabeth likes Lavon and has some ideas and then Tom comes over and is really excited because he convinced a family with 22 people to register to vote. Unfortunately, they’re fans of the rival college football team that Lavon played for so basically he got 22 votes for Ruby.

At the Rammer Jammer, Wade and George are hanging out, talking about Halloween, and Wade dodges George’s comments about hooking up with random girls that year. There’s a new vendor, Presley (it’s Lisa from “The Newsroom”) and she seems pretty unimpressed with both men. Zoe texts Wade and asks him to meet her so he assumes she wants sex, but she’s actually setting up a video camera to catch the stalker breaking into her house. Wade sets it up and points out that they still have time so Zoe agrees they should test it out.

That’s pretty much the last moment the show didn’t make me want to break my TV. Back at campaign headquarters, Lavon is trying to figure out a way to get those 22 votes back and Lemon suggests he get rid of Burt Reynolds. Lavon is horrified and she tells him that he should have him stuffed – she knows a guy (Ha!). Annabeth has a plan too. She suggests that since she comes from a long line of football fans, Lavon should pretend that they’re dating so the family can see that if she can get past his college days, so can they. Lavon is hesitant, but agrees and Lemon is not happy at all.

Zoe is sleeping and as the person goes to get into bed with her, she maces him. It’s George. It turns out that he has a sleepwalking problem and he had no idea that he’s been breaking into her house, but he’s also woken up covered in candy corn (yuck) and at a gas station in his underwear. Zoe tells him that stress causes sleepwalking and she wants to do a mini-sleep study to find out what his issues are.

It’s time for the Halloween party and Wade dresses as James Bond (so hot) and arrives to pick up Zoe, but she tells him that she can’t go because she has to watch George sleep. Wade is a little put off by that. Elsewhere, Lemon is not happy to see Lavon and Annabeth in their Romeo and Juliet costumes and points out that people are going to ask questions. Annabeth made flashcards. She really likes Lavon and she thinks if they spend enough time together, he will start to like her too (Aw, Annabeth, stalk him until he loves you, honey).

George and Zoe are on his houseboat and basically everything that I hated about last season is back. I understand that shows like triangles, but my biggest issue is when one side makes zero sense and this is one of those cases. The audience is just supposed to believe that George and Zoe are totally made for each other and soulmates and cosmic love and all of that other mumbo jumbo, but I’m sorry. I am not buying it. So I don’t want to see their almost kisses or Zoe getting all hot and bothered by the sight of him undressing. No thank you, show. Anyway, George went to bed, Zoe fell asleep and George took off.

Wade is working and turning away girls left and right and Lemon is sulking over Lavon and Annabeth. Maybe it’s my love of Annabeth talking, but I really wanted to slap Lemon. She had her chance with Lavon and she didn’t want him. She chose George. But fine, if she’s still in love with Lavon (even though she wasn’t last week), she should have told Annabeth the truth. Annabeth has been there for her more than anyone else lately and she owes her that. Instead, she took Lavon aside and basically called him out for being a bad guy and lying to people. Lavon then went and told the truth, which led to the family switching their votes to Ruby and poor Annabeth was humiliated and ran off crying. This was not okay.

Zoe showed up at the party to tell Wade that she lost George and needs his help. Wade is the best so he agrees to leave his job and help her even though he thinks George is faking just to get close to Zoe. George shows up at the party and refers to Zoe as his girlfriend, which does not make Wade happy. He tries to help Zoe get George home, but George doesn’t want Wade’s help. Wade stays at the bar and George’s would-be date, Daisy, hits on him. Wade is tempted, but insists there are rules and then he tells her that he’s leaving to reinforce those rules.

Back at the houseboat, George is still sleepwalking and he tells Zoe that they’re in a relationship and they’re happy. He goes to kiss her and Zoe is going to let him, but Wade shows up and shoves George over the side of the boat, waking him up. Zoe yells at Wade and reminds him that George was sleepwalking and he tells her, “I know he was. What’s your excuse?” Then he storms off and I may or may not have mentally stood up and cheered for him (I’m too tired to physically do it).

Anyway, Lavon and Lemon have a moment and it’s clear she’s into him again. I do like them together, but I just feel Lemon is being selfish here and I’m still upset about Annabeth crying. Then Ruby shows up (yes, she still exists) and she’s impressed with Lavon for telling the truth and admits that he’s not the same guy who broke her heart. She apologizes for being the worst. Lavon forgives her, but I do not.

George and Zoe are having another moment (ugh) and George whines about how they should be together, but Zoe thinks he needs to have a relationship with someone that he actually cares about in order to move on. She admits that she’s doing that. George asks with whom, but then decides he doesn’t want to know. He asks if it’s serious. Zoe immediately says ‘no’ and seems to mean it, which just annoys me even further (who knew that was possible at this point?).

The next morning, George apologizes to Daisy and asks her to give the same message to her friend (classy). Presley is on hand to overhear and the two start talking (not going to lie, in my head, I was wondering if we could give her to Wade instead). But George asks her to dinner and she agrees to drinks and says if he wears a tie, she’s out of there. Yeah, I like her.

Zoe goes to Wade’s and apologizes. She tells him that she told George that she was seeing someone. Wade forgives her instantly (again, maybe it’s just me, but I wanted him to throw her out on her sorry ass). I couldn’t even enjoy their cute moment at the end because this version of Zoe does not deserve Wade. She basically admitted that she was using him until it was time to be with George. Ugh, this show.

Next week is Election Day so The CW will be airing reruns of “Arrow” and “Emily Owens, M.D.,” but “Hart of Dixie” will return the following week and it will be Election Day in Bluebell. Based on the previews, it seems like Lavon and Ruby might be working their way back to each other. Let me say it again: Ugh, this show.