Game of Thrones Recap: "The North Remembers"

The basic elements are there: Intrigue, revenge, sex, murder, incest, love, politics, oh and did I mention sex? Based on George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, HBO’s ‘Game of Thrones’ takes the viewer into a fantasy world that is not simply good versus evil, but human versus human.

So I know what you are all thinking. What is a soap opera and reality tv show whore like Mandy doing watching this complete and utter NERDFEST about kings, horses, swords, and baby dragons? Simple answer: It is the BEST soap opera you are NOT watching right now.

The basic elements are there: Intrigue, revenge, sex, murder, incest (yeah EW I know!), love, politics, oh and did I mention sex? Based on George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, Game of Thrones takes the viewer into a fantasy world that is not simply good versus evil, but human versus human.  Season one cannot be summed up in one sentence, but essentially this show is about power and what people are willing to do for that power. As season one viewers saw, [SPOILER ALERT] the show’s lead character Ned Stark (Sean Bean) was killed off in the penultimate episode in season one so be prepared: No character is safe in this world.

Episode one of season two picks up right where season one ended. The episode actually serves as a perfect “where are they now.” Since the death of King Robert in season one, his “son” King Joffrey has assumed the throne. Bluntly, Joffrey is a little prick and I hope the bastard dies slowly and painfully. Joffrey ordered the beheading of Ned Stark in season one, and gleefully tortures Sansa Stark, who he still intends on marrying. Imagine having to marry the little bitch who had your father beheaded…Not so much fun. However, Ned’s death has kicked off the War of the Five Kings which basically means a bunch of guys are having a pissing contest to see who should have ultimate power.

As Ned’s late wife Caitlyn eloquently states: “There is a King in every corner.” Rob Stark, Ned’s son and newly crowned King of the North, is kicking ass and proving to be a formidable threat. The only thing Joffrey has going for him is that his grandfather has appointed Tyrion Lannister as the new Hand of the King. Now I know what you newbies are thinking, “Hand of the King?” – NO get your minds out of the gutter. Hand of the King is the advisor, the counselor, the person who basically tells the King to shut the hell up. Tyrion (played by the brilliant Emmy award winning actor Peter Dinklage) cannot deal with his nephew Joffrey’s penchant for being a jackass, so it should be fun watching these two go head to head this season.

While all these men are fighting, there is one woman who is vying for the throne and that is Daenerys Targaryen aka Queen Head Bitch In Charge Dany! In season one, Dany was forced to marry a warlord by her power hungry brother, but gained independence and confidence as the season progressed. She watched proudly as her husband murdered her brother, courageously killed her husband who was the equivalent of a walking zombie, and cemented her place as the rightful Queen. Oh, I forgot, she has these dragons…hottest accessory of the season ladies! In season two, Dany is leading her people and baby dragons through the desert in her ultimate quest to reclaim the throne that once belonged to her family. To make a long story short: These people need a famine concert stat. Dany may be slacking in the power department, her husband is dead, and her fashion team look like meth addicts, but she is still kicking ass in a desert….yep Head Bitch in Charge.

Now another reason to watch this show: HOT MEN. Leading the pack is a character I affectionately call Jon “I would sleep with him in a pile of” Snow. First episode back and Jon (Kit Harriington: GOOGLE HIM NOW THIS IS AN ORDER) is looking as fine as ever up in the cold frost North.  The man is walking around in a fur coat and I still find him attractive. He is a character you root for as he is the bastard son of Ned Stark trying to prove himself as a man and a soldier.

Another hottie: Jaime “I’d like to take a ride on his” Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), Tyrion’s brother and real father to King Joffrey. Jaime’s big problem is that he is in love with his twin sister Cersei, and is the father to all of her children. And ya’ll think you have problems?  Jaime was captured in battle by Robb Stark and remains his prisoner. At least he doesn’t have to deal with the whole world finding out he is doing his sister….or does he?

There isn’t a shortage on the hot ladies either. Cersei (Lena Headey) unfortunately thinks she is the Head Bitch in Charge. Oh sweetie, poor thing, yeah NO. Everyone and their mother is talking about her sleeping with her brother, even her bitch son Joffrey. Miss Thing thinks she can control her son and still reign as Queen but in reality she does not have as much power as she thinks she does. Her arrogance is displayed with arguably the most conniving character Petyr Baelish, as she has him arrested and then freed all on a whim. Cersei’s shining moment in the premiere is when she slaps Joffrey for insinuating his father had about a million bastards with other women because the King grew tired of her. In reality, King Robert, big old horny pervert.  Joffrey reminds Cersei of how little power she has as he threatens her with execution should she feel the need to slap him again. She is actually the Lannister with the least common sense. Tyrion’s conversation with his prostitute girlfriend about smelling bodily fluids….that rhyme with the word “gum”…. easily make him the most likeable Lannister. And Jaime, yeah already covered this…HAWWWWWTT.

Season two sees the introduction of many new faces. Stannis Baratheon, the late King’s brother, feels he has the best claim to the throne. He is aware of Joffrey being a bastard and believes this makes him the rightful heir. Stannis is a bit of a religious nut. In fact if this show was not based on a book I would assume the name Stannis was an in joke on “stanning” for people. The guy is surrounded by a bunch of cray cray followers….yeah “stans.” He is also accompanied by a sorceress named Melisandre. She looks like a hot mess, not even going to play around with that one. She has him pull a sword from flames like he is King Arthur in a cheap version of Madonna’s ‘Like a Prayer’ video….yeah that proves you are all powerful. Hey can I be Queen at this point?

The episode ends in huge epic fashion with the deaths of all of Robert’s bastards, including an infant child. One bastard named Gendry gets away, with Ned Stark’s other daughter, Arya. I know, I KNOW, these people have like 89 kids. Can you blame them, there is no television back then?! I didn’t even talk about his other kids. So will you watch this soap? What can I do to convince you? I didn’t even mention the sex scenes, the nudity, the language, and the prostitute scene where she’s basically training another prostitute how to make orgasm sounds correctly. Ok well now I did. What will happen to Arya who has now taken an appearance as a boy?  Will Stannis be a huge force this season? Will Tyrion or Cersei be able to control Joffrey? Can Jon Snow be naked 24/7?  Watch and see who will win the game.