Pretty Little Liars Recap: "Stolen Kisses"

It’s just another week in Rosewood filled with kisses, mama drama, and even more secrets.

The mystery of Maya’s site was short-lived this week, thanks to Spencer talking to Caleb. Proving to be the ever sweet boy we already know he is, Caleb helps because he cares about Hanna and because he wants to see Mona taken down. Later, he stops over Spencer’s and shows off his computer skills, getting into Maya’s site in record time, revealing a vlog where Maya uploaded personal thoughts and videos of her and Emily. Side note: Raise your hand if you noticed the chemistry between Caleb and Spencer.

Caleb wasn’t the only boy in Spencer’s orbit this week. Toby showed up at her house, upset that Jason had left town after they covered up his accident. Aware that Spencer wouldn’t tell him anything, Toby vowed to get answers on his own. His take charge mode is so amazing and hot that even the Royals approve.

Spencer continued her detective antics by breaking into her mother’s bag filled with her case files. Finding Garrett’s, she and Aria flip through the pages and find the witness list. Bart Comstock (what a terrible name by the way) is marked as the one to take down. Aria trots over to his address in Rosewood and learns it’s actually the movie theatre and Bart works there. He has no problem sharing his information with Aria. Turns out, Bart saw Maya get into Garrett’s police car the night she was murdered. Uh, oh!

The episode lived up to its title name in the form of locked lips between Hanna and Wren and Paige and Emily. How did we get there? Well, Wren informed Hanna that Mona’s doctors were considering shipping her to a more high security hospital thanks to Mona’s outbursts and the possibility that she is smuggling her medication out through a visitor. Why wasn’t Hanna more interested in who was visiting Mona? That seemed like a major red flag.

Anyway, Wren convinced Hanna to talk to the doctors. Her original idea of doing so involved reading off purple index cards filled with words she probably didn’t even know the definition of. Did Wren write that speech? Or was it Spencer? She realizes the speech isn’t getting her anywhere and goes for speaking from the heart. What she really meant to say was: We need Mona here because my friends and are I being stalked by some cray-cray named A and Mona is the only tie we have to any truth. The problem is had she really said that, Hanna would have ended up beside Mona in the crazy ward. Later, Wren delivers the verdict: Mona gets to stay in Rosewood.  Hanna is so excited about this that she kisses him right on the mouth and I get all kinds of feelings, mostly happy ones. Don’t judge me. 

Meanwhile, Emily did some kissing of her own. She kept going to Paige about the contents of the flask and finally Paige admitted that Emily had come to her the night she went missing and ended up at Ali’s grave. Apparently, Paige found Emily drunk on her doorstep and Emily proceeded to make out with her. It felt like Paige’s biggest dream come true. I, however, am unimpressed.

Emily doesn’t know what to make of her drugged and drunken antics. However, Nate, the ever creepy cousin of dead girlfriend, Maya, gives her some wise advice about people drinking to cover up things they want because reality frightens them. Even in a dream, Emily is still herself. This leaves Emily running to Paige and telling her that even though she’s crazy messed up over Maya, there’s a reason she turned to Paige. They make out and swim laps in the pool because apparently that’s what swimmers do after making out. 

Things were particularly interesting in AriaLand. Byron is back to inform her that his former mistress is now going to be teaching at her high school. Naturally, Aria will end up in one of her classes. Aria also met Mrs. Fitz aka Mrs. Fitzgerald aka Mrs. Bitchgerald. So it seems Ezra has some fessing up to do. Not only did he shorten his last name when he cut ties with his family, he also cut ties with what was likely a reasonably sized trust fund. Ezra Fitz could be rolling in the money!  

Mrs. Bitchgerald throws a huge art reception in Rosewood, showcasing how rich her family is and rubbing Aria’s nose in what a mess she’s made of Ezra’s life. You may be upset that she called Aria out on ruining Ezra’s life, but let’s face it, his relationship with Aria is the reason he’s broke, unemployed, and living on ramen noodles. If that wasn’t bad enough, Mrs. Bitchgerald lists off her family’s indiscretions; affairs with students, affairs with teachers, her mother leaving, and her brother being a thief. Clearly, she’s read several months’ worth of the Rosewood gossip column. This woman is snooty, condescending, mean, and downright evil. Basically, she’s perfect.

Aria runs home crying, leaving Ezra to remind his mother why he hates her. Byron steps up as a father, comforting Aria when she worries Ezra’s life is really her fault. He tells her anyone should be lucky to have her in his life and they weep together.

Later, the girls rally together in Spencer’s sans Emily to check out Maya’s site. It’s a little perverse that they watch all these personal videos without Emily, but she’s super busy frolicking in the pool with her new girlfriend, so I guess it’s her loss. One video is of Maya saying she has to face her fears, only to be cut off by bright, flashing, red lights. This must be the last video she ever did.

The episode ends with the typical A scene. This week A’s getting stacks of one hundred dollar bills, three stacks with a hundred each, and a peppermint. Do with that what you will.

And I’ll see you next week.

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