Last week, I had hope that “Gossip Girl” was finally moving in the right direction and the last five episodes would serve as a way to fix the mistakes made in past seasons and push the characters to a satisfying resolution that fans could appreciate after sticking with the show for six years. But after watching “Where the Vile Things Are,” I’m starting to doubt that anything other than maybe the last five minutes of the finale will be enjoyable to watch.
Admittedly, I’m not a fan of Dan Humphrey or any of the other characters on the show that came from Brooklyn, but I tried to go into the Dan/Serena storyline tonight with an open mind. Dan was staying with Serena because everyone else in the world hated him because of the whole sex tape at the Cotillion thing that happened last week. Serena wanted to use the opportunity to mend things between them and it seemed to be working. The two headed out on Dan’s Vespa (pauses for laughter) and they were actually having fun together, even when the paparazzi was chasing them. It was clear Serena was falling back into her love for Dan and while it seemed a little sudden, I suppose I can buy it. She did, after all, profess her love for him last season (or so I’m told since I didn’t actually watch).
But the part where Dan kissed Serena and tried to act like he was all in? Sorry, I’m not buying that. Don’t get me wrong; I love to pretend that Dan and Blair were never a thing because I avoided their scenes like the plague and blocked the “Dair” tag on Tumblr (God bless Tumblr Savior, guys), but the (gross) reality is that it happened and as recently as LAST WEEK, Dan was trying to get back with Blair (shudders). But now he’s kissing Serena and asking her if she’s sure as she leads him to her bed? Sorry, I do not believe this is the greatest epic love in action or anything like that.
As for Blair, she had her own issues to deal with. Eleanor was back and she was pretty mad about Blair because of the whole debacle with the sexy dress and Sage taking her clothes off and Blair just overall making the company look bad. Basically, Eleanor wanted Blair to lose her devious side and act like an adult. She even brought in Nelly Yuki to talk about Blair’s inner Regina George and the two returned to the Met steps where Blair went all mean girl on Nelly all over again. I am not here for this. While it’s obvious the show wants to pretend the characters finished college or skipped it or jumped into a time warp or something, it still sort of happened so the fact that Blair is still in a high school mindset is just sad. I love Blair. She’s my favorite, but it pains me to watch this.
What else happened in the episode? Ivy and Rufus were in it way too much and they one upped not only Lily, but Chuck too. Seriously, the finale better include these two getting set on fire to make their scenes leading up to it worth the time it takes me to fast-forward through them. But I did catch Ivy talking to someone on the phone and saying their plan was working and that person needed to come back. Who could it be? Jenny, Juliet, Eric, the nameless character Kristen Bell will be playing? I honestly don’t know and I don’t really care all that much either.
Chuck continues to be wasted on his revenge plot against Bart. Nate was helping him this week, but I still don’t understand the point, nor do I understand when Bart became the big bad of the show. The Bart Bass I remember may have been a bit of a douche, but he cared about his son when all was said and done. He loved Lily too; something I sort of question now. I feel like he might love her, but he really just wants to stop her from being Chuck’s mom, which is super mean because Chuck and Lily are my favorite parent-child relationship, followed closely by Blair and Cyrus (can we bring back Cyrus?).
There were no Chuck and Blair scenes in this episode, which upset me, but not as much as the preview for next week that showed Chuck telling Blair that they couldn’t be together. Really, show? You’re pulling this trick again? There are only four more episodes left, but the show continues to feel like it’s in the same holding pattern it’s been in since somewhere around the beginning of Season 3. When will it finally let the characters grow up? I’m afraid the answer is December 17 at 9:59 p.m. and that is such a waste.