I don’t even know where to start anymore when it comes to “Gossip Girl.” Every week seems to bring a new layer of terrible to the show and I’m running out of adjectives that mean the worst ever. This week’s episode, “Save the Last Chance,” was especially awful because there were moments that I had a glimmer of hope that it might actually be a good episode and frankly, that’s just a mean trick to play on the audience.
Since I just don’t have it in me to actually review the episode, I’m going to do a mini-recap instead for those who still care about the show or more likely, for those people who just want to laugh and thank their lucky stars that they were smart enough to quit this show like three seasons ago. At least we’ll always have the memories of how perfect Season 1 was, right? Without further ado, here are the high lowlights of the episode.
-Dan and Serena were enjoying their rekindled love, ignoring the fact that Serena was nearly engaged to someone else less than two episodes ago. Their love is pure, people.
-Nate reached new levels of uselessness when Bart blackmailed him into going against Chuck. Honestly, I have no idea what he used against him, but it had to do with the Spectator and it would have resulted in Nate going to prison if he didn’t betray his best friend. Is anyone here for this?
-Bart Bass really should grow a mustache to twirl because he is bad to the bone, people. Except some of us remember when he actually loved Chuck and Lily and wasn’t plotting to tie them to the railroad tracks with some cartoon dynamite strapped to them. Okay, maybe it’s just Chuck that he wants to do that to, but it’s still out of character. Maybe being dead messed with his head.
-Speaking of Lily, I normally root for her, but after this week, she’s officially dead to me. She broke Chuck, guys. Despite all the promises she made to him, she blindly took Bart’s side and more or less told Chuck that he was worthless. Excuse you, Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen insert a bunch of other last names until you get to Bass. No one is here for your nonsense. I hope you end up alone.
-Ivy is hoping for the same thing. Guess who her mystery partner in crime is? It’s whichever Baldwin brother is Serena’s father. Ivy has been sleeping with him and just pretending that she’s interested in Rufus. The girl is so sleazy. She even stripped down with Bart to take fake pictures, but that didn’t work out so well. I have no idea why the Baldwin that isn’t Alec hates Lily so much and nothing about any of these scenes made me care or root for anyone involved.
-Blair and Serena made up. This was one of the few actual highlights of the episode for me and I hope it sticks. I’d like to think that it will since there are only three episodes left (thank goodness!), but I’ve been fooled by this show before. The two cooked up a scheme to get the high school kids to come to Blair’s show and even though it sort of backfired, it still worked out in the end and Sage looked like a chump in the process so it was pretty great.
-There was a cool moment where Chuck, Dan and Nate teamed up to bring down Bart. While I’ve never been a fan of Dan’s, I do enjoy takedowns and when he gets to play in the group too as long as he’s nowhere near Blair. Dan did his part and he got the scoop for Chuck, but it was too little too late since Lily is the devil now. But it was fun for about half a second or two.
-Speaking of the Humphrey family, I actually mentally cheered for Rufus at one point. Do you have any idea how revolting that was for me? I felt like I needed a shower afterward. But he went from being the worst to getting a wakeup call when he spotted Ivy making out with not-Alec Baldwin. Of course he didn’t see who she was making out with so he did technically still fail and giving Lily the evidence made her the official worst so I guess he did fail and I can continue to despise him? I feel better now.
-Dan and Serena had a cute moment. I don’t ship them, I don’t like Dan, but they had a cute moment and I can admit that. I still don’t buy their instant love and I’m sure it’s going to be tested when a certain former preacher’s son returns for a December Thanksgiving, but I’m going to give them this one.
-I’m saving Chuck and Blair for last because it hurt the most. After Lily broke Chuck, he headed to the bar to drown his sorrows. Blair was super happy that her fashion show was a success, but then Chuck told her that the only parent who mattered, the mother who chose him had turned her back on him, all happiness was officially lost. Chuck congratulated her on her success and then told her that they couldn’t be together because he had failed. Poor Blair left in tears, sadly looking at her engagement ring while Chuck continued to drink.
I hate this show and everything it stands for.