Sons of Anarchy Recap: "Authority Vested"

The SAMCRO boys are on the run and looking for an ounce of hope after last week’s gut wrenching season premiere! Tig is reeling from the murder of his daughter Dawn, and Jax and the boys are looking to protect themselves as they face a prison sentence for murder.

News breaks of what has happened to Tig’s daughter, and the boys rush to Tig’s side. If Tig wasn’t already a scary son of a bitch before this happened, God only knows how this will change him in the long run. Also, in light of the seriousness of events I won’t make a joke about how bad the smell of burnt dead body must be……..Okay for REAL that must SMELL! This is why I cannot be in a gang!

Unser survived the attack from last week, but we are still left wondering who is behind the break ins, and what they are looking for. Clay’s safe has gone missing, and I think it’s “safe” to say anything that Clay has in there has to be some serious shit. I don’t think our oxygen tank carrying friend was hiding some Apple stock, let’s be real here… Oh and to make a long story short, over the course of the episode Unser decides to investigate the break ins. That will be a fun diversion from the stuff that is not boring! Thanks!!

Jax has been hiding out at Nero’s brothel (The Spanish Pimp that’s tapping Gemma). Can we all take a moment to admire Jax Teller in blue flannel……….One more second…..Okay that felt good. In light of recent events, Jax feels like this is the perfect time to marry Tara!!! That makes perfect sense! Wanted for murder, dead burning bodies, places getting ransacked …Cue the WEDDING! UGHHHHHHHH. I got a lot of shit last week for admitting I cannot stand Tara. While I hate her face, Jax’s love for her is adorable. The redeeming quality of Jax/Tara is how much Jax loves her and is willing to do for her. However, I never feel the same for Tara. Yes she is trudging along and trying to be the Old Lady, but bitch look at your man and stop complaining. He killed a Federal agent for her, and she is still not as obsessed with Jax as she should be. And now they are kissing so moving on…..

Tig and the guys go looking for his other daughter Fawn. Yes for you newcomers he has daughters named Dawn and Fawn………Trailer Park, that’s all I am saying. He finds his daughter and hears her screaming, fearing she is being assaulted. However, Tig busts down the door to find that his daughter is just having rough sex with her black boyfriend. TIG IS HAVING THE BEST WEEK EVER!!!!! Fawn seems annoyed and wants to know why her father wants her to get out of town. She asks where Dawn is, and without saying anything and seeing her father’s reaction, she knows her sister is gone. Fawn hates Tig more than life itself……but really I mean he named her Fawn, how can she not hate him?

Clay pays a visit to Opie. Why would the guy whose father you killed want to see you? And Clay didn’t even bring a cake. Rude. He tells Opie that he told the club the truth about killing his father. Clay always has ulterior motives. He wants Opie back at the table to help save the club. Jax is in trouble, and Opie needs to be there for him. However, Clay is clearly up to something….Never trust someone with breathing tubes, they have nothing to lose.

Nero and Jax are bonding. Jax wonders what the brothel business is like, and Nero wonders how Jax can be in a serious business like arms dealing. I just love father/son chats like this! Jax is always looking for a father figure, and since Clay is out of the picture, Nero has moved comfortably into that position. Random side note: Nero only collects 20% of his girl’s earnings. To all my readers considering a career change: There are NO PIMPS like this in REAL life. We learn a little more about Nero during this exchange with Jax. Nero has served time in jail, gave up drugs, turned into a successful business man, and OMG please do not be Jax’s new hero. Nero’s son also has Spina bifida. And to just top this all off, Nero spots a car tailing them and decides to “impress” Jax by playing chicken with the car. Is it just me or is this like a Gang style criminal oriented Hallmark film? Do I like Nero? Right now yes, but am I suspicious of this too squeaky clean guy? You bet your ass. But to clarify, we definitely need to see more of Jimmy Smit’s ass.

Opie pays a visit to his ex, Lyla, at work. She’s just in the middle of shooting her porn film. Pay no attention to the lesbian sex scene while some other woman is at her gyno appointment. She has no idea why he is there, but he gives her 20,000 dollars (the going rate for porn babysitters) and wants her to watch his kids. Porn stars are fun babysitters. I don’t have any factual information to back this up but I am probably right. She will watch them for a few weeks, however it might be for a bit longer than that….

Gemma brings Jax and Tara their marriage license. Mama Bear is P-I-S-S-E-D. Her invite got lost in the mail. She asks to speak to Tara alone, and Jax looks worried. He really shouldn’t be because someone gave Gemma a lobotomy and she was actually nice and not threatening Tara’s life. Boo! I hate sane, level headed Gemma. By the way, Tara is wearing black on her wedding day. That is bad ass. Yes that was a compliment but clearly it was wardrobe’s decision and I still hate Tara. While Gemma and Tara are playing nice now, this shit is in no way lasting. You can just tell Tara and Gemma are not handling their positions in Jax’s life very well, and they are headed for a showdown again at some point. Okay. They are married. Chib’s Irish blessing was cute. Where is the open bar?

Jax meets with Romeo and Luis to figure out if they can offer them any protection in jail. Short answer: Nope. It would appear that Jax’s life is of little value to them. Obviously they did not recognize how good he looks in that damn blue flannel shirt! Seriously! And don’t think I don’t recognize you Mr. Machete; you need to have a seat after you did that movie.

So the boys turn themselves in to Roosevelt and his men at the SAMCRO garage, and they say their goodbyes. Opie shows up, punches Roosevelt, and gets arrested along with them. Now that’s real love. Opie sacrificed himself to protect Jax, Chibs, and Tig in jail. Cue the music and the montage!!!

The men who have stolen Clay’s safe look oddly familiar. Oh yes, they are Nomads! The same Nomads that were recruited into the club. Okay one of them was, I am just assuming about the other two, but that one guy is familiar. They are going through Clay’s documents, and who knows what other secrets he has. Gemma is getting it on with Nero again, but this time she is sober and hopefully she left her gun in her other purse. Clay is all alone, with his oxygen tank I have named Oxycontin. Jax is on his way to prison, and is looking at his wedding ring, where his SONS rings used to be. You should have married Opie!!

Next week the gang is in jail! Who will go after the guys in jail? What was in Clay’s safe? Does Nero also do charity work while rescuing animals and preventing forest fires? Will Tara ever not get on my last damn nerve? Who will drop the soap? Find out next week on Sons of Anarchy!!