Pretty Little Liars Recap: "The Remains of the 'A'"

This week’s Pretty Little Liars episode, “The Remains of the A,” was better than last week’s episode, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s not saying very much.

We’re trying something a little different this week at TVSource for our Pretty Little Liars recap. If the show isn’t going to do its damnedest to entertain me – hot guys aside because I’m always happy when they’re onscreen – I’m going to do my best to entertain myself. Sometimes the best way to express myself is through a GIF…

Hanna, Spencer, the Note, and the Preacher:

Hanna and Spencer want to leave a note in Garrett’s mama’s hand, but Spencer chickens out, forcing Hanna to do it, and the lady almost dies. Also, Hanna’s been working the clothing sale at the church because she’s a troubled girl and made a preacher friend, who invites her to a party. She and Spencer get Toby to come along, saying that someone there is harassing her. Toby looks beautiful in a suit, so I am here for this.

Hanna and Toby go to the party and awkward. I laugh. Creepy cop shows up at the party and I laugh again. How awkward is it to have the guy you banged to keep your daughter out of legal troubles show up while a preacher is pursuing you? So the cop catches Hanna alone and is all what is up with this note? And quite frankly, I am bored.

Toby gets pressed that Hanna and Spencer lied to him, which leads me to a very important sidebar. All these girls keep blaming A for ruining their relationships when their problem is they constantly lie. They’re only present in their relationships when they want to be and they lie to their boyfriends’ faces every single episode. Like I just cannot with them.

These guys are not idiots. They are not here for your antics, ladies, so get it together, or send them my way. Thank you and goodnight.

Ezra, Aria, and a Bag of Cash:

Ezra is in pajamas! They have a mini photo shoot with an old camera and I forget all the reasons they bother me. Ezra Fitz is what good things are made of.

Until Ezra is showering and Aria finds a bag of cash in his sock drawer. More importantly, why isn’t she showering with Ezra? Instead she runs and comes back to confront him later and it turns out he sold his grandfather’s car because he lost his job. So now he’s unemployed and dating a girl in high school. Cue that mid-life – oh, wait, Ezra is still young so it’s a quarter life crisis.

Emily’s Flashbacks:

Emily annoys me, so keeping up with her story is… painful.

Yeah, so apparently there is some strange flashbackage going on with Emily this week. The night that she disappeared from the party she ended up at a diner with a couple holding hands and one had a strange mark on his wrist? And then Emily goes to the church party to meet Hanna and runs into Holden – the kid whose heart has not exploded – and he has the mark on his wrist. He says it’s a mark from a party that moves around and he used to see her girlfriend there.

Emily thinks of Maya and is sad, but Holden runs away.

Brother and Sister Hastings:

Jason’s hair flows in the wind and he’s flawless and gorgeous and I just want to touch his face.

Spencer asks him about April Rose while her father watches from afar. Except not really because if Spencer looked up she would see him. She must get her spectacular detective skills from Daddy Hastings. Meanwhile, Spencer questions Jason about April Rose, who is all every girl wants me and I can’t keep up with them all. And I mean, I totally see why.

Anyway, these two team up after Jason finds out there’s a store named April Rose Antiques. In the shop, they find Alison’s ugly anklet and the owner is all I can’t sell it because it’s tagged. Jason’s hair throws some money around – $400 to be exact – and the guy caves.

So they call the police with an anonymous tip and later on at home, Daddy Hastings informs Spencer about the evidence. He’s all HOW DID YOU AND JASON FIND IT? It still had blood on it; Alison’s and someone else that’s not Garrett, so the judge threw it out and Spencer does the ugly cry.

And just when I thought she was done ugly crying, A sent a text confirming that Garrett was not their killer and the crying continued. A eats some sherbert ice cream and goes apartment hunting. And now I get my life back.