‘Sons of Anarchy’ Review: ‘Huang Wu’

Just when I thought things would be getting good, I get smacked in the face with another episode that built up so much tension, but gave me no payoff. This episode could have been called “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight” and it would still be lost in translation with me.

There were literally four moments I thought Tara was going to kill herself in this one episode. And then every single time I was let down she was still alive. The bitch has nothing to live for except her children and pretty soon she probably won’t even have them.  As the episode progressed we saw Tara lose all hope by the end. She’s being followed by SAMCRO, Wendy is back on drugs, Margaret is going on an extended vacation, the lawyer has peaced out, and Gemma is warning her she’s either going bye bye or BUH BYE!

Tara’s life is shattered the most when she sees good, old, and I do mean old, Miss Colette on top of Jax, and throws the hooker off her husband. Jax chases her and Tara is simply exasperated by the person she has become. To the point I actually thought she was going to take that gun and shoot herself. The thing that bothered me the most about Tara this episode was that she had the nerve to tell Wendy she is a coward, but what does Tara do? She runs to Patterson by episode’s end and agrees to give her evidence against Jax.

Unfortunately it’s too late because Patterson is counting on Jax’s deal to turn over the IRA and cannot negotiate a deal with Tara. Tara thinks her life is over, and she has lost. Is it bad that I died laughing at her misery? Even if you are answering yes, I do not care because as you know: LOATHE THE BITCH! Also, Tara, if you ever attempt to kill Juice again with your car, I will break your face harder than Gemma could with a skateboard. Thanks, slore!

Another question about this episode: Why do the Irish ruin every fucking episode? I mean seriously, they ruined season 3 entirely, and they did the same to this season. Another boring, bullshit excuse to have these guys stroll in and be boring with their semi-automatic Lucky Charms talk. Call me old fashioned, but I miss Clay vs Jax, and simple stories like that.

I am still in the ‘I completely loathe most of these characters’ phase and I want it to end. I just want this season over and the Irish put on the first plane back to IDontGiveAShitLand. I would even pay these new Chinese guys to shoot them, because at least the scene with Happy being handcuffed and eating Chinese while watching cartoons with his Chinese captors was funny.

And I am sorry but, if the best parts of your episode are Nero and Unser scenes………just who the fuck am I that I laughed at these? I found them so tolerable together. Don’t get me wrong; I still want Unser dead, but seeing these two banter, then get along, and then smoke pot together was very endearing. It was like a white trash Hallmark moment. I’m sure I will want him dead again next week, but at least they brought comic relief in an episode that was tenser then a colonoscopy.

WINNER OF THE NIGHT: Jax’s ass. It was just all over the place in the Tara vs Colette scene. I kept wanting Tara to get our of the damn way so we could possibly see frontal, and then Tig got in the way. It was a huge mess, but hey that butt still holds up since season one.

LOSER OF THE NIGHT: Tara does not deserve an award. In fact she is hereby disqualified from everything until the bitch dies. I am going to go with Clay. I have a bad feeling that Clay will die soon. It’s unfortunate in the sense that they are really just dragging out his character right now. Even if he does not die, what the hell are they having him do? Just move to Belfast? That’s it? He is wasting away in prison, and when he turned over all his assets to Gemma, it felt like their final goodbye. At least they ended on good terms, but seriously if I have to hear her talking about Nero’s “brown ass” for another season I may not make it.

TOOL OF THE NIGHT: I mean this in the nicest way, but it’s Juice. I loveeeeee Juice, and the fact that he is acting like a total d**khead since Chibs beat him up has made me love him more. After Tara tried to run him over, he called her a bitch and then purposely told her about the whorehouse so she could see Jax there. I am convinced that it was his intention since he acted like a complete smartass when giving her the address.

MOMENT OF THE NIGHT: When Gemma told Tara that she will never see her kids again, but it’s her choice about how they are told. Either Mommy moved away or Mommy passed away. Dammmmmmn bitch, there is the Gemma I know and love. However, I have a bad feeling that somehow Tara will get out of this, and Gemma will be on Jax’s bad side soon. Tara has almost outsmarted Gemma, but Gemma’s nine lives cannot go on forever, and Jax will find out she had a part in his father’s death.

So what will Jax do now that he has the Irish and the Chinese to contend with? What can Tara possibly do next to get her kids out of Charming? Will Patterson help her despite her deal with Jax? Will the deal with Jax go through as planned? Where the hell did that homeless lady go? No seriously, she is random and weird, but you cannot just pretend I didn’t sit through that shit last week?! Will Clay die? Find out next week on an all new Sons of Anarchy.