Reviews

‘Sons of Anarchy’ Review: ‘Greensleeves’

Eye cannot believe what I just saw! Too soon? I had no EYEdea it would end like that. Okay stopping for now, but tonight’s episode saw the group’s plans against Marks taking a turn for the worse. Things aren’t going to be as easy as Jax and co. thought. Let’s take a look at the highs and lows of tonight’s show:

Fucking Juice: I get why they are letting him live, I just do not agree with it. He has proven himself to be a freaking moron time and time again. So what do they do, they trust him to go to jail and murder Lin. I am really annoyed, and I used to love Juice. They should have at least taken his tattoo away! He has hurt the club more than he has helped it and it’s complete bullshit to think that he’d ever be given what seems to be his seventh chance. I don’t care that he’s sorry. I mean Clay was even sorry! I also feel like prison isn’t really the place for a psycho like Juice. He’s lost his freaking mind, and he will just get assaulted in there because he looks like a pretty boy.

Scariest Enemy: I am putting it down here now, mark my words….I would never want to cross that little demonic weirdo Abel. He looks like a mini creeper Chucky doll that is going to steal a gun and shoot everyone. He even walks like a zombie on The Walking Dead, and he makes a good case for never having children with the dead eyes. All this time with Courtney Love has not been good. He’s hitting kids on the playground, and the next step is murdering animals. To make matters worse, he hears his Grandma Gemma admit to his brother that Grandma killed his mommy and that it was an accident. If someone stabs you in the head repeatedly, I don’t think it constitutes as an accident really. A misunderstanding perhaps, but not an accident like the way Gemma describes. So what will Abel do with all this information? Hopefully nothing too stupid, and he clearly won’t be getting any sleep, so prepare for the kid to grab a gun and shoot Gemma, Wendy, Unser, and maybe his little brother at this point. Bottom line: This won’t end well for Abel.

J.T.’s Rock: These guys decorate their whore houses and porn studios; couldn’t they have spruced up that rock? It’s literally a name written in some sidewalk chalk. If it rains that shit is gone in a heartbeat. Get a graffiti artist out there or at least put up a class cross like most people do.

Unser: Still with us, still sweating like a whore in church, still won’t mind his fucking business. You aren’t in the Club, so stop trying so hard. Every damn episode he has to have a meeting with Jax to discuss club business, this time about the cop witnessing the drug deal with the Aryans. THANKS WAYNE, GO AWAY! And if Gemma wasn’t already pissing me off, she lets him stay at the garage with his trailer. Why can he not just leave us alonnnnnnneeeeeeeeee?!?!

Weirdest Prostitute Name Ever: Winsome. Like Winsome lose some? Is this a real name? According to Google search it is, but what the hell? I guess this is what happens when you are used to hooker names like Sapphire, Mercedes, and Mirage. Chibs personally thinks it’s a divine name. He is sleeping with a chick named Althea so clearly his opinion means shit. Her pimp is named Greensleeves. Yes the same Greensleeves you hear at the end of the episode when they CUE THE MUSICAL MONTAGE and Katey Sagal sings (Fabulous cover by the way).

Nero Fiddled: Nero must read my blogs, because he is taking my advice: retiring and getting the fuck out of town. Only problem is he wants to take Gemma. I think he must just skim the whole review, and not take my points seriously. I feel bad because he really loves her, and thinks they deserve to be happy. The problem is she’s slowly coming to terms with being a raging psychopathic bitch and she doesn’t want to take him down with her. She will think about leaving with him, which is really a huge NO, because who wouldn’t want to give up a life where you essentially take care of your son and all his hooligan friends who engage in illegal activities? WHAT A LIFE!

Nero lets Jax know his decision, and he offers Alvarez his half of Diosa.  He also is worried Gemma is going to get shot at the end, so he goes running to save her which almost caused the both of them to be shot. Paranoid Gemma is always a dangerous thing. Her believing she was going to be murdered by SAMCRO was pretty funny, and she really is her own worst enemy. Methinks Nero will not be getting away that easy, especially with Gemma around.

EYE for an EYE: Jax goes after Greensleeves to protect the family Marks was using as partners for his building project. Greensleeves had video of the pastor and some minors because he was into some illegal and sexually depraved shit. Jax protecting Grant and his mother is going to royally piss off Marks, right? Yep you would this so. So as I said earlier, Gemma has gone batshit crazy thinking she’s going to die. Does this ring any bells or set off any mental alarms for anyone in SAMCRO? Nope, dumb as rocks here. So Bobby offers to go to the cabin to help Gemma with the detoxing pastor’s wife. On his way there his car is side swiped and Marks men approach his car. Marks never shows to the meeting with SAMCRO and Alvarez, but instead sends his head of security, Moses. Moses gives Jax a box (Cue the line: what’s in the box, what’s in the fucking box?) explaining Marks answer to any deals SAMCRO has to offer. It’s a box containing Bobby’s patches, a video of Bobby being tortured, and oh yeah a Tupperware with Bobby’s eye. YOU DON’T TOUCH MY BOBBY! Luckily he is still alive based on previews, but Eye Patch Bobby will just be so wrong, we already had to deal with blind Otto. After Jax’s big speech about the club’s loyalty and love, you just knew someone would get harmed! Of course it’s BOBBY, the heart and soul of the club. I am annoyed, and this is making me angry. Can Abel just run the club now?

How will Jax retaliate? Will Bobby get out alive? Will Juice complete his prison mission? Will Gemma finally crack and reveal the truth to someone over the age of 10? Will Abel be polishing all the weapons and attacking Grandma? Find out next week on an all new Sons of Anarchy!

About the author

Amanda Drago

Amanda Drago is a writer at TVSource Magazine. Also known as “Hot Mess Mandy”, she's fan of sarcasm and snark with a Bachelor’s Degree in handling the “cray” and a Masters in real talk. Huge fan of soaps, reality TV, and really any well written show that can handle her short attention span. Usually the trashier the show, the better. Follow her on Twitter at @HotMessMandy