‘The Vampire Diaries’ Review: Fight Clubs, Huntress Hunting, and Brotherly Bonds

First rule of vampire fight club:

Make sure you’ve got a powerful witch to watch your back.

After “killing” Elena last week, Damon set out on a classic shame spiral in “Postcards from the Edge.” We’ve been watching The Vampire Diaries for seven seasons so the steps of this dance are all too familiar.

First, lie in the road. Second, kill an unlucky motorist who happens by. Third, pick a bigger fight with the nearest psycho villain you can find. Fourth, wait for Stefan to ride to the rescue, hero hair blazing.

I know it sounds like I’m harping on the show’s formula and maybe I am to a point. We’ve been here before and parts of the episode reawakened my frustrations over how slow the season is moving.

However.

Cool things happened in the episode too. Overdue things. Way overdue things—like they should have happened three or four episodes ago in order to pick up the pace.

Enough griping. Let’s jump back into our top five format, shall we?

#5 Matt Donovan, how I loathe you

I had no intention of including Matt and his new lady copy friend in this review. I used their scenes to jot down notes on prior scenes that mattered. Then we jumped into the future (not sure how I feel about these new tacked on the end glimpses). Matt tricked Stefan, stabbed him in the neck, and then asked the huntress if he could go home. Ugh. I hope no one expects us to feel sorry for him because he got duped by Team Bad Guy or whatever his excuse is. Remember when he drove drunk last week? He’s the worst.

#4 Are the Heretics getting better or…

…did the show just break my resolve to hate them? Either way, well played. Valerie earned a bump to interesting status a few episodes back when they put her in Caroline’s story. She continues to be useful and they’re not going overboard with the triangle stuff. Meanwhile, Bonnie’s been rehabbing Nora into a tolerable character with their friendship. I’m still not sure how or why Nora joined Team Hero after stabbing Stefan, but it works. Mary Louise tagged along this week and I enjoyed Bonnie getting snippy every time Mary Louise offered an annoying comment. But I still could not care less about the romance factor.

#3 Pregnancy is killing Caroline—literally

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the adorable Stefan and Caroline scene with the French fries, the ‘I love you’, and the kissing. Shippers deserve this cuteness because there’s far too little of it and we know what’s coming. Naturally, it ends after 30 seconds when Caroline collapses in pain. Valerie diagnoses Caroline with a syphon problem. Jo’s babies are taking after Uncle Kai and sucking up Caroline’s vamp magic. We know Caroline’s not going to die, but talk about no good deed going unpunished. Can we give the poor girl a break?

#2 Enzo’s back with a side of confusing plot

Did anyone else swoon when Enzo showed up in the nick of time to save Bonnie’s life? That’s more like it, show! We got some low level bickering and steamy glances from our future couple-to-be and then things got weird fast. Remember how the last time we saw Enzo, Matt had kidnapped him? Enzo mentions it in passing—it didn’t work out the way Matt expected. So what’s up with this organization? Did they brainwash Enzo? Why else would he send out the huntress’ calling cards to find the old lady and make sure she burned? Except a younger huntress appeared from the ashes…like a Phoenix, as in Phoenix stone…we see what you did there, show. Except I don’t. What’s going on? Give us more information!

#1 Stefan saves Damon

The fastest way to my heart: scenes of the Salvatore brothers showing up for one another. After failing to talk sense into Damon, Stefan reappeared in the fight club arena just in time to stop Julian from tearing out his heart (with Damon’s permission). Stefan reminded Damon how much he needs him and how he would die if Damon did. In the literal sense, because he would attempt to avenge him and Julian and his vamps would kill him. Damon took Stefan’s hand and all was right with the world.

For about five seconds.

Damon confessed to killing Elena. Stefan punched him a few times and Damon just took it because he hates himself. My heart broke into a million pieces when grief overtook Stefan. But then we all received a major payoff: Stefan and Val teamed up and killed Julian.

To be honest, I’m a little torn between wanting to scream “finally!” from the rooftops and side-eyeing the whole thing because anticlimactic, much? All this drama and back and forth and lame fight clubs and that’s all it took to end him?

But Julian’s gone so I’ll stop complaining.