The fourth episode of Game of Thrones‘ sixth season was a worth the watch from start to finish. Who knew that all it took to get an actual hour episode was to complain for three weeks?! Yay finally! Oh, and what an hour of TV it was!
Bear with me this week since I’m busy battling strep but I had to write something about this crazy pants on an episode. And away we go. In “Book of the Stranger,” Tyrion makes a deal while stalling for Daenerys’ return; Theon tries to make amends for the past; Jorah and Daario realize their next move won’t be an easy one; Cersei discusses Margaery’s future with Olenna and Daenerys shows everyone why she can be “that bitch” when she has to.
STARK FAMILY REUNION
Well after what feels like 10 years, we finally had a Stark family reunion. Jon wants to leave Castle Black since he was murdered. Okay, it’s a valid reason but guess who strolls in but Brienne, Sansa and Pod. Jon sees Sansa and hugs her and it might be all the medication I’m on but I cried. Yes I have feelings, it’s weird. They exchange the typical hey we only had like 3 scenes together ever awkwardness and Sansa apologizes for being a bitch. Then she gets bitch and orders him to take Winterfell with her for the family. He’s like girl no, she’s looking at him like his is a pansy.
Finally, Jon gets a gross letter from Ramsay that essentially says “rape, rape, rape, rape, your mother’s a whore and, oh, more rape.” Basically everyone getting raped or flayed unless Jon turns Sansa over to Ramsay. This finally encourages Jon to fight with the Wildling army at his side. Not the part about Rickon being alive, more about the dead direwolf on the floor. Speaking on the raging psychopath of the show…
Helping the Starks off-screen totally ruined your shit Osha. Also, Theon royally screwed you over. Wish you lots of luck in the great beyond, its overcrowded. So yeah Ramsay killed her because she was going to murder screw him, which you would think he’d be into but no. Instead he stabbed her in the throat because Theon told Ramsay about how loyal she was to the Stark boys. Fuck Thereon forever, just not literally.
BEST SIDE EYE
Brienne is being fierce lately with the side eye. She overhears Melisandre and Davos discuss Stannis and she admits she killed him and knows that Mel played a part in killing Renly. She’s watching those two! Know who’s watching Brienne? Tormund! Of course he’s watching her side eye all the men because they eat like slobs and it’s funny. However Torment seems into Brienne and I ship it!
WELCOME BACK (TINY FINGERED) ASSHOLE
The asshole known as Littlefinger is back. Yes, he left Sansa to get all raped by Ramsay, but now he wants to save her! How convenient! He knows she has gone to Castle Black and has returned to the Vale to ask for Robin’s help. Robin wants to rescue his cousin so the Knights of the Vale are willing to help Sansa and the North. This dickhead better get his in the end, that’s all I’m saying.
MEEREEN IS BORING
Seriously not even Tyrion can make this place fun. The suicide rate must be so high, it’s utterly depressing. It is probably why all the dragons want out, BOREDOM! Let’s hope Dani doesn’t even go back, and move on from Dothrakiville. Alas, Tyrion wants to be diplomatic and meets with the Masters about slavery. He gives them his 7 year plan which means they have 7 years to get rid of slaves and find other means of income. He also gives them hookers which always goes well in diplomatic relations. Grey Worm and Missandei are not pleased but back him up with the people of Meereen, Grey Worm lets Tyrion know that he is getting played. Snap!
OMG get the bitch outta jail folks! If I had to listen to the High Sparrow’s bullshit for that long I would die. I’m over anything to do with the religious freak. It’s a storyline that needs wrapping up immediately because it is a waste of damn time. Margaery luckily isn’t falling for Big Bird’s crap jut yet so she might be getting rescued soon. Loras cannot handle jail though, he a sad hot mess. Cersei is going to change Tomen’s diaper and handle this because the little nice twerp is useless as usual.
She meets with Olenna, her uncle, and Jaime and gets them to finally agree to go to war. Margaery is set to do the Walk O’ Shame and Olenna is like nope. So she and Cersei are now allies to save Margaery…. Anyone skeptical about Cersei wanting to save Queenie all of a sudden? Also, this plan better work because if it doesn’t Margaery is dunzo!
THEON IS HOME
Yeah Theon is home…. And I don’t care. Bye.
SHE’S A FIRESTARTER
Go Dany, it’s ya birthday! So much for a Daario and Jorah rescue attempt. Other than Daario realizing that Jorah has stone arms, the men accomplished nothing.
Dany meets with the Khals and they treat her like crap. She thinks she should rule the Dothraki. They are not down with that plan at all and suggest that she get raped and raped and then get raped and then if she’s till okay she should get raped by the horses. Way to be offensive. Dany vetoes that plan and says she will rule but they won’t be living to see it. She starts setting the Dosh Khaleen on fire and the men scream in horror. She burns them all alive and walks out like a boss. The Dothraki people see what happens and bow before her as she stands before them, with Jorah and Daario also bowing. Didn’t they do this last time he walked thru flames? That was my point last week! These people are fickle, hopefully this time they recognize the boss bitch.
Will someone throw a jacket over naked Dany? Will she return to Meereen with all these people or will they head to Westeros? Will Jon be able to raise a larger army to fight for Winterfell? Will Theon….wait I don’t care still. Will the army be able to rescue Margaery and Loras? Is there anyone without an army at this point? Find out next week on an all new Game of Thrones.