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Scream Queens Recap: Lovin’ the D

SCREAM QUEENS: L-R: Abigail Breslin, guest star Brooke Sheilds, Jamie Lee Curtis, John Stamos, Kirstie Alley and Emma Roberts in the all-new “Lovin The D” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Dec. 13 (9:01-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Cr: Michael Becker / FOX. © 2016 FOX Broadcasting Co.

The Green Meanies come together and Brooke Shields guest stars on an all-new Scream Queens! Spoilers are ahead in this recap.

Scream Queens Recap – Episode 209 – Lovin’ the D
Air Date: December 13, 2016

We begin with the Chanels working the night shift, per the request of Nurse Hoffel. Chanel is checking on a patient when she finds a mini-swamp in the hospital bed. She also stumbles upon a mannequin wearing a Kappa Kappa Tau shirt with tons on knives stabbed into it. Number Three and Number Five come to see why Chanel is screaming and then they are all screaming. Number Five says she understands the swamp in the bed but not the Kappa stuff, which is “very two years ago.”

Cr: Michael Becker / FOX. © 2016 FOX Broadcasting Co.

Chanel decides that they need to split up, reasoning that the killer can’t possibly chase all three of them. That’s where you’re wrong Chanel, since there are now a total of three Green Meanies. Cue chase montage. This gets a little confusing, so pay attention. These three run around the hospital, each one encountering a killer and thinking they are the one being chased. One Green Meanie tries kill Number Three but gets pushed out of the way by another Green Meanie, presumably Cassidy. That’s true love, being a killer but not wanting another killer to get your girl. While one Green Meanie gets Chanel on the ground begging for her life, another Green Meanie shows up who also wants to kill Chanel. During their silent argument, Chanel gets away. After an unsuccessful slaying, the killers unmask themselves and bicker about who’s going to kill who. Hester rounds up this unruly bunch and calls for a Green Meanie summit.

Introducing, Dr. Scarlett Lovin (Brooke Shields) from Lovin’ the D. She is the Chanels favorite TV doctor and basically everything they want to be. Scarlett is also a former Kappa sister so they can really relate. They clearly never miss an episode because they are in an unconscious patient’s room watching the show. That’s dedication that I can relate to. Dean Munsch interrupts to introduce the editor from the Northeast Journal of Medicine. That’s the same medical journal that Slade, the journalist from last week’s episode, worked at before getting slain by The Green Meanie. Arthur has come to the C.U.R.E. Institute to follow up on Slade’s (who is currently missing) ethical concerns about the hospital. He’s serious about this investigation and even wants to see the Chanels MCAT scores. The hospital could be in serious trouble if it was found out that they were working as medical students without any credentials. In order to avoid any more scandal, Munsch is forcing the Chanels to take the MCATs. “We want to be TV doctors, not real doctors.” Yeah same here, girl.

Cr: Michael Becker / FOX. © 2016 FOX Broadcasting Co.

Munsch brings Dr. Scarlett Lovin to the hospital and introduces them to the Chanels and Brock and they are totally freaking out. She heard about the parasitic twin surgery and was blown away by what they did. Scarlett wants this weird medical foursome to remove a sixteen-pound face tumor on live TV. Brock slips and tells Scarlett that the Chanels aren’t even real medical students which takes the deal off the table. The Chanels immediately volunteer to take the MCATs as soon as possible, so if they pass the surgery is back on.

Meanwhile, at the inaugural Green Meanie summit the remaining murders are being decided. Seriously, how is this the first time they have all been together? In a game show format, Hester introduces the segment, “Who Killed Who?”, we find out just what that title suggests.

Cassidy: Wolf girl, Tyler, Randall, all the Hamiltons, Chanel Pour Homme, Chanel #11, Chanel #9
Wes: Sheila, Chamberlain, Chad, poisoned the apple bobbing water at the Halloween party, attacked #5, Denise (who is probably still in that cryogenic chamber)
Nurse Hoffel: Chanel #9, Chanel #10, Slade Hornborn

The next segment, “Who Gets to Kill the Chanels?”, is what they have all been waiting for. Cassidy is willing to sit this one out because he has killed the most, but he wants to “take care of” Number Three. Unfortunately, everyone knows he loves her and he will be taking care of her in a different kind of way. He begrudgingly agrees to kill her but most likely won’t. Wes and Hoffel can’t stop arguing about who gets to kill Chanel. He even tries to barter, “4 Chanels for the price of one. I will throw in a Dean Munsch and I love her.” They all vote on the matter and come to the conclusion that Hoffel will kill Chanel. All of the killers and Hester together is so fascinating and weird, I could watch them a whole show of just them together. Spinoff, anyone?

At the hospital, Brock is trying his hardest to help Chanel study for the MCATs, but she only wants to find the easiest way to cheat. After she suggests they make out instead, Brock starts to strangle her. He thinks Cassidy must have left old tissue when performing the newest transplant, but Chanel says he was using both of his hands. She then goes to hide from Brock and Nurse Hoffel is in the room preparing a bath of fry oil. I wonder who that could be for? Once Chanel mentions the possibility of leaving the hospital for good, Hoffel tells her not to give up and that she has great potential to be a doctor. Before leaving, Chanel mentions that she has very bad memories involving fry oil. Yeah, Nurse Hoffel is well aware of that.

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