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53 Thoughts I Had Watching Riverdale 5×02: ‘The Preppy Murders’

Riverdale -- “Chapter Seventy-Eight: The Preppy Murders” -- Image Number: RVD502fg_0044r -- Pictured: KJ Apa as Archie Andrews -- Photo: The CW -- © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

There was a glitch in the system so I didn’t get the DNRs which means I couldn’t do a preview of the episode because what if I accidentally stepped on the toes of a do not reveal? Biggest yikes. So, because that couldn’t happen and I don’t have the time to sit here and do a whole ass review (and if you’re familiar with my coverage of The 100 then you know my reviews tend to be extensive), here are thoughts I had while watching the newest episode of Riverdale.

  • Wow. They really just spoiled the entire thing in the ‘previously on’ ,didn’t they?
  • They can continue to put the Barchie kiss in there though. It’s pretty.
  • “No big drama.” Unfortunate since this is a teen drama.
  • That is not how you pronounce chamomile, Mary!
  • Brett isn’t going to make it to morning, I’d bet my life on it.
  • Archie at Fred’s grave. Let me sob.
Riverdale — “Chapter Seventy-Eight: The Preppy Murders” — Image Number: RVD501b_0008r — Pictured: Madelaine Patsch as Cheryl Blossom — Photo: Shane Harvey/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
  • Oh, Cheryl. We know you aren’t really mad about the gown.
  • I like the way she says crimson, though. Maybe it’s just the delivery?
  • How do I keep forgetting that Archie might not even graduate?
  • Ah, shit. Is he going to snap off?
  • Hahahahahahaha, fake dating!
  • ……or not? Bye, Archie?
  • Cheryl is putting on a good front but she is UPSET.
  • Fight, fight, fight!
  • “Stepping out on my daughter with her best friend, what kind of man does that?” Tell the whole town, why don’t you?
  • I do NOT trust Hermosa. But I’m also loving whatever this is.
  • “Which is a problem.” It’s been a problem since season one, V.
  • “Betty’s instincts are good.” Are they, though?
  • This Blossom family zoom call is totally giving me pandemic vibes and I’m actually laughing.
  • I love Hermione. She is so over Hiram that it’s hilarious.
  • It’s the way I have no interest in this mystery for me.
  • If Camilia Mendes made a dollar for every time she said “Daddy” on this show she’d be a very wealthy woman.
  • Jughead going college in Iowa. This should be good.
  • Cheryl’s mom being helpful for once? We love to see it?
  • Betty, just stop answering the phone in the middle of the night.
  • “Donna may not have been lying.” I don’t understand why you thought she was in the first place, though?
  • KJ is slaying this scene. Imma cry.
  • Yet another tape. I am officially ready for this story to be wrapped up.
  • Hmmmm. I’m proud of you, Veronica. I thought for sure you’d cave.
  • I said it once and I’ll say it again: I DON’T TRUST HER.
  • “The entire Blossom family has sailed into the underworld, Cheryl.” HAHAHAHAHAHA
  • That is a pretty damn dark move though, Mama Blossom.
  • Cheryl’s mom being like, “Happy graduation! Have some murdered family members.”
  • Finally, they’re putting it together. Which the fandom did months ago.
  • We all called it and this is a bit of a letdown, honestly.
  • Well, duh, Betty. He’s got the serial killer gene.
  • “What kind of teacher would I be if I just gave you the answer, baby brother?” Ick. I am grossly reminded that Betty and Jughead share a sibling. I forget most of the time, I’m not even going to lie.
  • Wait. If both Charles and Betty have the serial killer gene, does that mean it comes from Alice?
Riverdale — “Chapter Seventy-Eight: The Preppy Murders” — Image Number: RVD502fg_0026r — Pictured: Marisol Nichols as Hermione Lodge — Photo: The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
  • Yasssssss, tell him, Hermione!
  • She never wanted to get back with you anyway!
  • This is kinda wrapping up all of the parents leaving in a nice little bow though. I don’t know if I like that.
  • Mary, why would you watch that?
  • I hope you know that television is coming out of your allowance, Archie.
  • Don’t hit your uncle, Archie!
  • “Let go of your anger, son.” God, that was so reminiscent of Fred that my soul hurts.
  • And fandom called Jellybean too. DIsappointment, thy name is Heather.
  • “I figured we should so this over drinks.” Veronica is so going to lose that liquor license one day.
Riverdale — “Chapter Seventy-Eight: The Preppy Murders” — Image Number: RVD502fg_0038r2 — Pictured: Skeet Ulrich as FP Jones — Photo: The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
  • I love FP. That’s all.
  • I know we all called this but also the reasoning of “She just doesn’t want me to go to college.” is pretty weak, actually.
  • “That’s what she told me.” But, see? I’m just not buying it?
  • This letter is a beautiful tribute to the character of Fred Andrews and it makes my chest ache with missing Luke Perry.
  • That was a beautiful shot of KJ, not even going to lie. Not from a “Oh, he’s attractive.” point of view but from a, “For this one moment, he finally looks at peace and it’s pleasing to see.”

Well, those are all the thoughts from this episode, as they happened. Hopefully the glitch gets sorted out and next week I can get back to previews! Let’s also hope that next week brings allllllllll of the personal drama now that the ~mystery~ is out of the way. I need it like I need crack.

Riverdale airs Wednesdays on The CW at 8/7c

Heather Mason
Heather Mason joined the TV Source Magazine team in December 2017 with plans to cover The CW's 100.

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