'Sons of Anarchy' Recap: "The Super Duper Quick Edition"

So last week Hurricane Sandy kicked my east coast butt, I had no power, and no way of watching and/or recapping the glory that is Sons of Anarchy. Small problems when you look at the large devastation of Sandy’s impact. I have to give kudos to all our reporters who took over and held the site together while some of us had to go missing in action. I also urge you all to donate whatever you can. Many families have lost everything, so anything you can spare is always appreciated. Also, last night we had this teeny thing called a Presidential election. I may have cared more about that then a TV show, but I WAS able to watch. So this week I present to you the SUPER DUPER QUICK RECAP edition, and next week we will be back to our regularly scheduled offensive and crude recap.

And away we go…. The Top Five things you need to know about Sons of Anarchy:

1. This probably should not be number one but I could care less: JUICE IS IN TROUBLE YA’LL! My sweet sexy, dumb little boyfriend is on my other boyfriend Jax’s hitlist (Yeah I get around. I also date the Game of Thrones guys). Roosevelt did not even need to reveal the truth, as Jax figured out on his own that Juice was feeding information to the cops. As last night’s episode ended we see Jax following Juice in his car. Okay, I am going to remain POSITIVE, and hope Jax doesn’t flip the fuck out and kill Juice….at least not right away. Yes Juice is a rat, but if anyone can work this to his advantage, it should be Jax.

2. Gemma is officially a whore. Okay, this isn’t entirely true, but really, let’s face it, it’s true. She crashed her car almost killing her grandsons, she’s looking rough, she’s going thru the menopause….times are just tough. Tara slaps her around, and Jax is pretty much done with the bitch. He offers her one deal to remain in their lives…..get back together with Clay and expose him for the liar he is. I don’t know how to feel about this. Right now, I pretty much dislike Gemma, but the idea of a son forcing his mother to literally romantically get back together with a man who beat the crap out of her…..is gross. Gemma also is kinda sorta in love with Nero, which complicates matters further. Last night she agreed to Jax’s terms, but will she give up Nero entirely? We shall see!!

3. The Nomads are all dead, and everyone knows Clay was their leader. Small problem is that there is zero proof. Frankie was killed, leaving no Nomad alive to expose the truth that Clay was behind everything. Cue the Gemma plan to expose Clay! Honestly, I was shocked Clay did not die last season, but Kurt Sutter kept him around. I do not see a way for Clay to survive this season without completely ruining this show, but if anyone can pull it off it is Kurt Sutter. Clay has a huge target on his back and who knows what his next move is. As Bobby says: “I hope you are as smart as you think you are.” Will Clay rebound from his last failed attempt at removing Jax or will Gemma’s return completely blindside him? There is just something so adorable about a wife injecting pain meds into her husband’s arthritic hands…..

4. Tara still sucks. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.

4.1 OKAY, I will clarify! Yes she gets points for punching Gemma, but I mean….UGH. Her world is collapsing around her and all she can do is just stand there and be annoying. She got Otto to like her, but seriously did anyone else find it hysterical that her touching him made him cry hysterically? At least she didn’t have to perform sexual favors, but in my eyes she has still not earned her place as First Lady. It’s as if Tara has completely shut down, and her refusal to acknowledge how horrible her life really is, is making her an extremely bitter bitch. Gemma embraced the terrible, and made it positive…Tara just has not learned to do that yet. Also, stop kissing Jax, you are gross.

5. Jax and this show right now are unpredictable. This season has been some serious shit. We have lost numerous club members and it seems like everyone’s life is at risk. Jax has officially become everything he hated. He essentially is Clay, doing whatever it takes to protect the things he loves most…..which seems to be the Club right now. Opie’s death has made Jax a loose cannon. He is not the fun loving guy he once was. Yes he is still sexy as hell and that is all that really matters, but while Jax is learning to be a leader through Damon Pope…he has lost most of the compassion he once had. He kills people more quickly, he is into torture (okay that’s hot), and he is not the man his father wanted him to be.  In becoming the perfect leader, he is losing his whole sense of self. If he is not too careful, he might just lose everything.

So I hope to return next week with full recaps once again! Hope you enjoyed the Super Duper Quick Recap, and if I missed anything….Leave a comment. It can even be bitchy!! Tune in next week for an all new episode of Sons of Anarchy!