The premiere, while lackluster, revealed what was in the trunk and showed how A managed to get Toby under her thumb.
Tonight’s GIF recap is brought to you by the lovely Bradley Cooper. You’re welcome. Giving you a pretty face was the least I could do after we all sat through that craptastic season premiere.
So… the show picked up right where the spring finale left off: the girls standing over the trunk and opening. Only the premiere actually revealed what was in it. A PIG. A PIG IS IN THE TRUNK.
Mona searched in the car for a chip or something, but I’m too distracted by the fact that we waited months to find a pig in the car. Anyway…
The highlight of the episode is Mona revealing everything she knows about what A has done: Mona put the car in Hanna’s garage, Shanna knew Jenna before she came to Rosewood and is afraid of Melissa, when CC first visited Mona in the mental hospital she thought it was Ali, Lucas gave Emily that creepy massage, Mona recruited Toby when he got the job out of town (Whoa! Talk about a long time!), and she doesn’t know who killed Ian.
Whoa, Mona. Whoa. Way to drop a lot at once. She’s even willing to show them all her secret files form her trailer, but someone deletes them as she’s trying to show them. How friggin’ convenient. Their moment of surprise is interrupted because someone starts yelling for Alison to come play with them… What?! The girls walk out of Mona’s Trailer Lair and see a group of girls, each dressed as one of them and holding a matching doll. They were a gift from Alison.
Across town, Mrs. DeLaurentis is back in town. Emily delivers a gift basket from her mother and gets roped into helping carry things into the house. She finds Mrs. D. has practically set up a shrine to Ali. Gross. Weird. Grieving is complicated?
It wasn’t as weird as Spencer looking out her window and seeing Mrs. D staring back at her.
And then Spencer received a message from A about there being something in Detective W’s coffin. Creepy!
Meanwhile, Aria sees Ezra for the first time and things get all awkward and uncomfortable when he admits he’s been offered a job at her high school. He tells her to move on and see other people and she gets extra uncomfortable and gives him a curt, “Goodbye, Mr. Fitz.” My heart is like so totally moved, you guys.
Oh, and I’m not even going to acknowledge that ridiculous dream sequence.
Everyone in Rosewood is all upset because that creepy detective that harassed everyone is dead. The newspaper report reveals that he was shot multiple times and his body was moved. Any other detail was list because Spencer’s newspaper reading was interrupted by Toby making her breakfast and giving her coffee. Who cares how much he broke her a few episodes ago? THEY ARE SO ADORABLE.
Except their moment is then interrupted by Toby getting a text from A about missing his mother. Uh, oh.
Later, Paige and Emily makeout and love each other. I’m so bored, but thankfully it doesn’t last long and Paige leaves and Emily has a heart-to-heart with Jenna – Ha! Kidding! Jenna basically points out that everyone Ali saw the night she died – detective, included – has died. She asks Emily to tell Toby she never meant to hurt him. La, la, la, la, la!
So, the next day the girls decide to go to the detective’s funeral in really inappropriate clothes. Girls, your hemlines are not funeral approved.
Their hemlines weren’t their only problems because the girls then decide to find the detective’s casket and take whatever is inside… which turns out to be Hanna’s mom’s cell phone and they’re all OMFG Mrs. Montgomery is A’s next target. Their conclusion jumping is always horrendous and hilarious.
There’s also some really strange person in a lot of black and lace, but sort of more appropriately dressed than the liars, that shows up at the funeral and disappears without her face being seen. A new detective shows up – Jesus, can we be free of asshole detectives who are fairly attractive for a single episode – and is all, “Girls, I’m watching you.”
Meanwhile, Toby has stolen everything form the liar to take to A because she promised to let him know really happened to his mother. A flashback revealed that Toby and Ali almost kissed until he’s obviously ill mother wandered into the room all disoriented and was mocked by Ali – ugh, she is such a bitch! Are we supposed to care that she’s dead?
The episode finally ends with A sending a video of them getting into the car and getting the chip and leaving the scene… And then back at the lair, the lace lady removes her veil to show a mask that is partially melted. Guess she burned the house down?
Ugh, this was a terrible premiere.
Honestly, the best thing about this is the dress Spencer wore to the funeral.
What did you think about the premiere? Hits and misses? Who’s the lady in the veil/mask? Leave your thoughts in the comments below and I’ll see you next week.