‘Sons of Anarchy’ Review: ‘Wolfsangel’

I have a great idea! Let’s kill off a bunch of characters in 90 minutes and try to make this show less boring. Wait…Kurt Sutter just stole my idea! God Bless Donal Logue for quitting the show when he did because I couldn’t take his insane bullshit anymore.

So we said goodbye to a few people who got cut from the show….pun intended. Lee Toric is now dead, stabbed and sliced up by Otto. The SAMCRO prospects also got shot by the Irish and then had their bodies cut up and stuffed in boxes. And poor Otto got shot at after killing Lee. This is what we call overkill, folks. Donal Logue left the show, thus ending Toric’s inane quest for revenge against the club. Talk about fate intervening and stopping this crappy storyline.

Logue isn’t to blame for this misguided character that brought nothing solid to the show. It wasn’t as if the club hadn’t dealt with a crooked evil law agent before (Agent Stahl, I miss your evil ass!). Problem is Agent Stahl did it better, and went out with a bigger bang. Lee Toric was a drug induced dud, and I am quite thankful that the dude is long gone. Was I sad that Otto died?……..Nah. I am not going to lie, Otto should have been dead already, but at least he got to go out in style.

Unfortunately, Unser is still with us. He got attacked by Skinheads, and the Club got angry, and there is a Swastika carving on his belly and blah, blah, blah…yes, this is a run on sentence on purpose because he is the most useless character ever. Why he is still alive is anyone’s guess. I feel like he is that creepy uncle you really want to stop coming over your house and overstaying his visits. GO HOME! Stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and park it in the trailer like a good geriatric should.

On a positive note, TIG IS ALIVE! Even thought Jax was a complete asshole for turning Tig over, August decided it was not time for Tig to die. Jax seemed confused and bummed Tig was still with us. This really annoyed me. This further drives home the fact that Jax is a total scumbag now. He did not seem thrilled that August tested his loyalty and left him stuck with Tig. Tig is like a magical unicorn, rare and special. You must cherish your unicorn, Jax!

So while we lost a few people this evening, let’s discuss the people I want dead because I clearly did not get enough murder tonight and it’s not going to stop anytime soon. So if you cannot beat ‘em, join ‘em.  You can agree or disagree on my hit list in the comments section, but I’d like to call the following, “The Mess Massacre”:

1. Nero: Jimmy Smits, I have loved seeing your ass on television for years. Seriously, he is the king of showing his buttocks (Youtube it!), but honey, you gotz to go! We are not here for a reformed pimp all about positivity and loving Gemma. PASS! The bitch will ruin your life, get you killed, have you brought back to life so she can fuck with you again, and then get you killed all over again. I don’t need to see her trying to build the ultimate family because she fucking sucks at life and needs to lose complete control, not be in a state of boring delirious happiness. Nero….you are killing Gemma, so you must die.

2. Tara: It’s tradition; are you really shocked? I bet you are surprised this was number two, but her haircut is so offensive I needed to block it out of my mind for 30 minutes. Let’s get down to brass tacks: Tara is a c**t. She’s Gemma 2.0 in basic training diapers and I will loathe her forever. Even if she pulls off this scam and gets custody of her kids, she still loses because Jax will hate her. She’s going to take his kids away and while she has every right, she will destroy the man she loves and does not realize he is at Clay level and will murder her ass.

Unfortunately, it seems like Tara is more about outsmarting Gemma than considering Jax at all in this plan. Everything about her plan so far is about tricking Gemma. Can we just quickly discuss how sad it is that Gemma is the brains behind SAMCRO? Is she the only one with her GED or something? I also think Wendy will ruin Tara’s plans somehow, and I am rooting for her all the way.  I knew they were working together, which makes me sick, but I have faith this will bite Tara in the ass.

3. Unser: Sir, you do not get two mentions in my review and live to tell about it.

4. More Skinheads: Because when isn’t Skinhead death a good thing? It was exciting and felt like a spiritual cleansing. Let’s just go all vigilante and kill Skinheads every week!

For now, all other characters get a reprieve. The Irish are making things interesting with their bad attitude, Clay is a survivor that is showing some heart again, and Chibs is finally calling Jaxxy out for being just as ruthless as Clay was. All are a promising turn of events if you ask me, and possibly signs that this season will be salvaged. Unless SAMCRO goes to shit and starts handing out guns like they are Oprah…You get a GUN, You get a GUN, You get a KG-9999999999999999999999!

Will the Irish strike again? Will Clay help the club out of this situation? How is Nero going to get dead hooker stains out of his car?  How does he get Gemma stains out of the car now that I brought this up? Find out next week on an all new Sons of Anarchy!