New rules everyone!! We drink every time someone dies….Warning: You may die of alcoholism because everyone is dying left and right. See that random Triad guy; yeah he dead. Oh look a scrawny white kid named Gibby, ooohh he dead. There’s Unser…… Jesus H. Christ he is still alive! Is everyone good and drunk? YES! Anywho, there was tons of action in this episode so here is tonight’s breakdown:
LINsanity: You can tell things are going bad for the main Chinese guy when his perfectly gelled hair starts to go amiss and his suit is untidy. SAMCRO are out to destroy all of Lin’s business because they still think he was behind Tara’s death. They are going to ruin him financially, get him close, and when he finally is weak they are going to go loco on what Chibs affectionately called the “rice monkeys.” At least SOA is consistent in its’ racial slurs! SAMCRO recruit the Indian Hills charter led by Jury, and shoot up the Triad drug/gun exchange. Don’t you hate it when your illegal business transactions end in a hail of gunfire? So tacky. Lin immediately blames Jax and the MC, but Jax ends up framing the kids Jury had called to help them. However, it seems that poor little Gibby might actually be Jury’s son. Do people normally cradle thin heroin addicted kids in their arms? That’s the way it seemed, and he did get the kid from some whores! Unfortunately for Jax, while Lin might buy this story of two kids from Selma robbing him, Jury recognizes the gun left at the scene as belonging to SAMCRO. AWWWW SNAP!
Bottom Line: Jax has nothing planned, is hell bent on revenge, and SAMCRO is along for the ride. This means they are making mistakes, being careless, but following their guts which you have to admire in some respect. While this can only end badly, at least the club is going out on their own terms.
Editor’s Note: If people start naming their kid’s Jury after this episode, America is going to need a “come to Jesus” moment.
My Favorite Couple: For this episode it obviously goes to Tig and Rat Boy, with a side of Happy. Until Venus shows up to steal Tig’s heart, I am totally okay with these two. From making Rat Boy give him a fake blow job, to shoving a phone in his face, to running out of space to bury dead bodies…I heart Tig. Yes I was mad at him for a while, but the dirty old bastard grew on me again. At least someone can provide comedic relief on an episode about revenge.
They Better Not “Do It:” Nero and Wendy. And while I am mentioning the subject.. Juice and Gemma. I am getting weird vibes from everyone like they are about to hop in the sack and no me gusta. I like Nero, but the guy is going to get shot in the Taco Bell if he is not careful. Are things going to end well for Wendy? I highly doubt it, but I at least like that there are two people with good intentions trying to help the club. They’ve both made mistakes, but now they want to make amends and OMG I’m making myself nauseous. Sorry.
TARAble Things to Say: Gemma told Abel that his mommy is an angel in Heaven. I get that Gemma is a well known liar, but let’s face it they don’t let people into Heaven with that haircut, let alone make them angels. Maybe she means a local club in Charming called Heaven, because God was even annoyed by how long Tara took to make a damn decision last year. The bitch doesn’t even have a headstone! Know why? They couldn’t fit “The funniest thing she ever did was throw herself into a table and fake a miscarriage.” Plus I am pretty sure those things are priced per letter.
Since we are on the subject of Tara Knowles, (no relation to Beyonce) can I get some of those crime scene shots of her dead in wallet size? I’ll even take an 8×10, I am not picky. Gemma stumbles upon the photos and finds out that Unser is working with the new female Sheriff in town, Althea Jarry, a.k.a. the new law enforcement officer who we are going to watch do nothing of value and most likely get killed. Why does Unser get recruited for things? STOP IT KURT SUTTER!
Squeeze the Juice: Juice let Unser go because Juice majored in being a complete fuck up in Charming Community College. At least Unser isn’t smart enough to figure out that Juice and Gemma are covering up a murder. So Juice lets Unser go, and then Gemma pressures Juice to leave town. Too many people know this guy is still in town. He probably orders pizzas under the name Juice, and signs in on Facebook with “feeling lonely — at Wendy’s crib. :(”
So Juice leaves and what does he do…..he calls Chibs. Either this is an after school special or I am on candid camera because someone needs to shove a gun up this kid’s ass. Then he does the hang up on Chibs, and goes back to Wendy’s apartment after Gemma gave hima new phone and a place to crash outside of town. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!?!?! My 5-year-old niece would handle this situation better, and she’d just be coloring! Juice, I hope that when you die it is slow, painful, and the tattoo is peeled off your damn back because you just suck as hard as Tara right now!
RoboCop: Barosky is back this year and he is still managing the docks. That’s really all I got, I mean he might as well be dressed as Robocop because that would be more exciting. Maybe he can do the gun twirl at least because if this guy keeps going on and on about having control of the docks and how they have to talk to him before they do anything, I might shoot him myself.
What did you think of tonight’s episode? Leave a comment below and discuss. Just try not to leave death threats, that’s a big no no. Plus, I don’t think getting stabbed in the head would actually kill me, I don’t shut up. But special shout out to you sir! Thanks for always reading my article that you hate so much!
What will happen when Juice and Chibs come face to face? Will Unser be able to solve Tara’s murder? Will Jury come after SAMCRO for the death of his illegitimate kid? Will I be reincarnated as one of Jax’s cigarettes? God I hope so! Tune in next week for an all new Sons of Anarchy!