Sooooooo much stuff happened that I am overwhelmed with all the information I must now make funny and whimsical. I won’t even beat around the bush, like Ramsay did to Sansa…too soon? Well oops, I’m still me. And away we go….
Warning: There was no Dany in this episode. It was weird, and I miss her long skirts. Oh Karen.
Second Warning: The women on the show get fucked over more than usual on this episode. I am not even what I would call a feminist and I want to sue the show for emotional distress. I am not minding the deviations from the novels, but when it comes at the expense of the FEMALE characters in the worst way possible…This bitch over here is annoyed.
You get a Face, and You get a Face, and You get a Face: Arya is in a room full of faces!!! Let me rewind. Arya is sick of washing dead bodies, and doesn’t get all this Mr. Miyagi training. Then Jaqen beat the crap out of her every time he asked her a question and she lied. Later, Arya crafts a lie and helps a little girl die, so she passed her test? Sorry this is stupid. Know why it’s stupid? Because Jaqen is about to tell you why. He takes her to a room full of faces, and asks her if she is ready to become no one. Obvious answer: Nope! Of course she doesn’t want to do that, because she’s too hell bent on her revenge. He says no she’s not, but she IS ready to become someone else……. Can we just fast forward to her being able to kick ass again? I’m over this making her weak all over again. Yes she has to learn, but I don’t need to be there in the classes week after week. And Arya will never be no one to me, she’ll always be Arya “I will kill you dead” Stark.
The Odd Couple: Whilst I love Tyrion, not even he can make Jorah interesting. I just don’t care about the old traitor stuck in the friend zone. Tyrion lets him know he killed Tywin, and oh yeah Jorah’s dad died at the Wall. This is really going to make him love Tyrion more. Tyrion also asks about Dany and why Jorah thinks she deserves to be Queen. Jorah believes in her. Really he just saw her naked and holding some dragon eggs and he fell in love. Happens to us all. Unfortunately for these two, their bad luck continues as they are captured by slavers. Tyrion is almost killed, but talks his way out of that situation, and has their captor’s use Jorah as a potential fighter in the newly opened pits. We going to Mereen!!!!!
The Sand Snakes Ain’t All That: Okay, I really expected them to be badass, but I guess the writers felt the need to CHANGE THAT TOO! The girls on my college lacrosse team could take these bitches! Bronn and Jaime almost beat them, and their plan sucked. They grab Myrcella and then get caught. Whomp. Whomp. Jaime, Bronn, and all of Oberyn’s bitches get arrested. The winner in all this: Myrcella who just wants to make out with her cute Dornish boyfriend. Finger snaps!
Baelish is the Greatest Liar Of All Time..OF ALL TIME!: I have no clue when this character is lying. It’s annoying me. He’s double crossing someone and I have no fucking clue who it is. The Sparrows were all up in his grill, but didn’t arrest him. Well okay, weird since he owned the brothel. Then he sits down with Cersei and pledges his allegiance. Okay typical Baelish, nothing new here. He warns her that House Tyrell will be furious that she had Loras imprisoned, but blah blah it wasn’t her, it was the Faith! Yeah yeah yeah, the religious right are terrible. We know! Then he tells Cersei that Sansa Stark is alive and marrying Ramsay in Winterfell…Wait huh? Whhhhuutttt are you DOINGGGG?!??!?!?!!?! How is this a good idea? I AM CONFUSED! Is he betraying Sansa? Or is he just telling Cersei before someone else does? And is this all a means to marry Sansa himself and have control of Winterfell? And EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHY ARE YOU THE CREEPY TOUCHY UNCLE!!!!! So Stannis and Roose will fight, and whomever wins will fight Littlefinger and the Army of the Vale. Why don’t they just polish the Iron Throne for this guy? I mean GIVE HIM EVERYTHING YOU DUMB SHEEP!
Never Trust a Side Piece: It should be a family’s motto on this show! Screw the debts, never trust a side piece! That little shit Olyvar (I mean really, who spells it this way?) testifies against Loras AND Margaery! Oh. No. They. Didn’t. Quick rewind, Lady Olenna arrives and gives Cersei a piece of her mind. She threatens to end the family alliance, and Cersei is like bitcchhhh dooooo ittttt. The High Sparrow cross exams Loras and Margaery and both lie that Loras is not gay. Then in strolls Olyvar with a Y! The High Sparrow has Loras arrested, and then Margaery as well. Yep, the Queen got arrested and the King does nothing but SIT THERE. Lady Olenna should have whipped out the cane and started hitting everyone. Why in the hell does Cersei keep getting what she wants? How is the bitch who majored in incest in college still allowed to walk the street? THROW HER IN A CELL WITH MARGAERY AND LET THE BEST WOMAN WIN!
Sansa: I have no witty or funny title for this one, because quite frankly I am fucking pissed off with the show’s writers. Like I am done as far as expecting anything truly respectful as far as women are concerned on this show. I’ve overlooked it because of time period, working from the source material, and generally just because hey it’s a show, it’s fiction. But when you purposely change a story and royally screw over a character because it makes for better tv? I get pissed. I don’t even like Sansa, ya’ll know that. But this never happens to her in the book. That is partly why I am mad. What also makes me mad is the same thing they’ve done with Arya and Dany. Build up a strong female character, make them have these great moments, and then bam knock them off their pedestals and down to the reality of: Hey you are just a girl, so fuck you! Since the end of last season and even at the beginning of this episode, Sansa is getting stronger. She tells Miranda that she is in her home and that she “cannot be frightened here.” Theon comes to escort her to the wedding and she refuses his arm and says she doesn’t care about him at all. She marries a psycho for her home and her people. So what’s her reward after surviving everything, from Joffrey and Cersei, to her aunt and Baelish….she gets raped. Ramsay has Theon watch and he rips off Sansa’s wedding dress and forcibly takes her on the bed as she cries. In fact Theon and Sansa are both crying. Why Theon just stood there astounds me, but whatever. I am over this bullshit.
Maybe next week will be better, but I’m not thrilled with the direction of this show. The writers are about to pass the books, and I am not sure that is a good thing. So far the material I have seen has been insulting to the readers and home viewers. I will continue to watch, but my love for this show is dwindling, and that’s sad. Make me want to still watch, HBO! Until next week….