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The long awaited Season Six premiere of Game of Thrones happened last night. Welcome, I am back! What went down in The Red Woman’? Where do I begin?
This review is going to start in 7 minutes because that is HOW LONG HBO WAITED TO START THE DAMN EPISODE. I seriously timed it, the episode started at 9:03, and then officially started after the theme song at exactly 9:07. Then the episode finished at 9:56. Do you know how many minutes anything interesting happened? Yeah about 5 minutes were good, and let’s get to all that.
#RIPJonSnow
So we got to see poor old Jon Snow lying dead in a gross pool of blood in the snow. Snow dead in snow, not shocking. The shocking part was how well his hair held up on his cold blue body. The only sad part of this whole thing was Jon’s direwolf, Ghost howling nonstop and whimpering. Davos finds Jon’s body and he and Jon’s friends bring the body to a room in Castle Black. Melisandre is all confused because she saw Jon in a vision at Winterfell. Here’s the thing – I don’t think he is dead so this whole storyline is going to annoy me until Jon is resurrected as the Lord of Light and blah, blah, blah because these actors are bad liars and Kit Harrington is totally still on the show, I would put money on it.
He will probably get resurrected in 4-6 episodes because these writers like to torture the crap out of us. Is Jon going to get a funeral? Probably not since Davos and the faithful Night’s Watch are keeping that door locked. On the other end Thorne has taken control of the Night’s Watch and has admitted that he and his followers killed Jon because he was going to destroy the Night’s Watch. Yes, that always makes murder okay. Who will win in the Davos vs. Thorne match? The safe bet is with Davos since he’s had such an unlucky run, and he does have a sorceress on his side…
Everyone Buy a Lotto Ticket
Play the odds and gamble because Westeros has frozen over and Theon did something right!!!! It only took like 6 years but he actually saved Sansa….until he blew it and they got caught and someone else saved the day. At least Theon had his one minute of glory. I did get a little grossed out when he had to warm up Sansa. Let’s not get hasty with this renewed friendship/brotherly/Ew god no relationship they have or may have.
Save of the Day
This award goes to Brienne for the nine zillionth time. She killed a whole bunch of Roose Bolton’s men and pledged herself to Sansa. I really hope this new fandom works out for Brienne because whenever she stans for anyone it goes badly. They either die or…no they all die. Arya doesn’t count because she passed by her and was like girl bye, I got a coin. Sansa accepts Brienne’s offer of eternal devotion because at this point she has no choice and really enjoys being worshipped. Let’s hope there first stop is at a therapy session at the local psychiatrist office up in the North because all these people just suffered some major trauma.
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