This week on Fox’s Scream Queens, Chad thinks he can perform surgery, Chanel is getting married, Cassidy is really dead, and the C.U.R.E. Institute’s newest patient is having endless orgasms! Spoilers ahead in the Scream Queens recap for episode 203.
We pick up right where we left in the last episode with the Chanels standing in the operating room over Tyler’s (the guy with the warts) body. Chanel wants to take his body to a meat locker (because that worked so well the last time). Munsch comes in and as they are all wheeling the body away, she suggests dumping him in the swamp. Yeah, the same swamp that the guy in 1985 was dumped in is still apparently there. When they reach the swamp, Chanel #5 wants to say her goodbyes which result in Tyler’s corpse puking. At first, I thought maybe Tyler wasn’t really dead but there’s no way this show will ever let Chanel #5 be happy.
Elsewhere in the hospital, Chad’s friend Randall thinks he’s cured of Jumping Frenchman of Maine disorder. Of course, no one is around and then The Green Meanie appears in the elevator. Randall thinks it’s a test to tell if he’s really cured so he walks toward our killer. The Green Meanie, wielding a karambit (curved knife) and slashes him up.
The Chanels and Munsch are back at the insane asylum visiting Hester. They tell her that two more people have been killed in the hospital and that Chad’s friend is missing.
Once again Hester tells them that she knows who the killer is but she won’t tell them until her previous demands are met. Munsch holds up a VHS of A Room with a View and tells her she’s never going to leave the asylum. “The killings will only get worse until I get what I want.” So Hester is definitely involved with The Green Meanie, but to what extent? She tells them the body count is about to go up and “The Green Meanie makes The Red Devil look like a girl scout.” I hope Hester realizes that was essentially an insult to herself. As they are leaving Hester tells Chanel her face is looking dry and to get some esrun cream but more on this later.
Chad texts Munsch saying he knows who the killer is. Back in her office, Chad believes that Brock is the killer because his hand came from a serial killer. Brock dismisses this because he can control his hand and Chanel asks him if that’s what happened when they were at the movies. Somehow this conversation of Brock being the killer turns into who Chanel wants to date. She makes the rom-com choice of choosing herself over the two guys vying for her attention. Back to the task at hand (pun intended), Munsch agrees that they need to find a new hand to replace Brock’s transplant, preferably that of someone who is not a serial killer.
Next, we are introduced to the C.U.R.E. Institute’s newest patient, Sheila. She is experiencing almost constant orgasms, by nine a.m. she’s having her fourth since she’s been at the hospital and her 27th of the day. Woah. Sheila says that this is “destroying her life” and that her husband left her because he realized she was always faking it. Cassidy says she is suffering from Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder and her treatment will include a lot of antidepressants. “Like what Sea World gives only their most suicidal orcas.”
Cassidy and Chanel #3 are cleaning up the operating room after Chad was practicing chopping off hands of cadavers. She reveals the secret that she’s never had an orgasm before and she thought they were fake. Cassidy says he also has a secret that he’s never told anyone before, “I’m dead … like actually dead.” Pay attention here: Cassidy recalls going to a high school party where he passed out on his back and choked on his puke. The next morning, he woke up covered in puke and came to the conclusion he must be dead because dogs don’t bark at him anymore. I honestly have no clue if we are supposed to think Cassidy is really dead or if he’s just dumb. This also could have been a trick to get Chanel #3 to kiss him. “Your lips are super cold.”
We are treated to another naked locker room scene with Brock and Chad, who is just “airing out” his scrot. Gross. He brought Brock a list of prospective hand donors who are all still weirdly alive. Who would want to willingly give up one of their hands? Chad also tells Brock he’s going to perform the surgery despite having no surgical or medical experience whatsoever.
Munsch, Zayday, Denise and the Chanels travel to “the house that esrun built” in Florida. This is the home of the only surviving person from the 1986 hospital massacre. Lynn Johnstone was working as a nurse at the hospital but avoided being killed because he was in the bathroom and doing vocalizations to work through the discomfort. TMI dude. When he came out he discovered everyone on the floor was murdered. Lynn was paid $5 million in a non-disclosure agreement by the hospital board to never talk about that night again. He says he knows who did it because he started getting weird phone calls saying things like, “I will come from the swap where you threw all the bodies”, “you have blood on your hands”, and “I’m going to kill again.” He thinks it was the pregnant women whose husband was dumped in the swamp in 1985. But how did Hester know about this guy?
Back at the C.U.R.E. Institute, Munsch says they now have a link between 1986 and today. Denise doesn’t understand why the killings could be happening again because the killer should have already got their revenge in 1986. And also why does the killer only want to go after patients? According to Munsch, the killer only wants the hospital to fail and they can start doing that by killing patients. She thinks the killer is not the pregnant mother, but her son who would be around 30 today. The suspects: Chad, Chamberlain, or Cassidy.
Chad is about to saw a fully awake person’s hand off when Brock and Munsch stop him. Munsch tells them Brock couldn’t possibly be the killer because he’s too old and that Chad is now her prime suspect. Chad asked Chanel to meet him in the park which makes her think he is going to murder her. Good thing she brought her stun gun just in case! Chad tells her he’s been soul-searching because Randall is missing and Brock keeps trying to “get in that box.” All of the sudden, a mariachi band appears and Chad gets down on one knee to…offer Chanel a prenup. If she signs, he will consider marrying her but Chanel takes this as they’re getting married. It’s important to note that Chad totally stole Brock’s idea of proposing to Chanel. In midst of celebrating, Chad sees Brock watching them from a distance, Chad kisses Chanel, looks back and Brock is gone. Ooh, spooky!
Cassidy and Chanel #3 try to figure out Sheila’s condition with #3 getting into the insane yoga pose that Sheila was in when her orgasms started. Cassidy realizes that Sheila’s pudendal nerve was constantly being pressed causing it to fire uncontrollably and causing her endless orgasms. Once Sheila is in surgery and has been cured, Cassidy and Chanel #3 start full-on making out and Sheila is just lying there watching. We then see then in a bedroom about to go at it but #3 asks him to stop. He thinks she isn’t attracted to him which she says isn’t true. The real problem? Cassidy is seriously freezing cold! He even takes his temperature and it reads 61 degrees. Okay, maybe he really is dead? I don’t know anymore.
Chanel is showing off her “29 carats, internally flawless fancy-vivid diamond in the extremely rare whore cut” ring to Zayday, #3, and #5. She asks Chanel #3 and Zayday to be bridesmaids and asks Chanel #5 to be her dog ring bearer. Like actually dress like a dog and wear the rings on her back. Chanel planned the entire wedding that afternoon and it is being held the next day. Shotgun wedding much?
As Zayday and Chamberlain are walking Sheila out of the hospital, none other but The Green Meanie shows up. The killer throws their karambit from a distance and perfectly slices Sheila’s head off. Will there be any patient that gets out of this place alive? The Green Meanie then slashes Chamberlain a couple times but thankfully he’s okay. The killer approaches Zayday, does nothing, and runs away. “Why didn’t he or she come after you?” I want to know the same thing Chamberlain.
She’s baaaaack. Hester is brought to the C.U.R.E. Institute wearing a mask and straight jacket on a dolly. They finally gave in because Hester’s esrun cream lead was helpful. Denise demands that Hester tell them who the killer is before he strikes again and Hester simply replies, “It’s too late.”
It’s also Chanel and Chad’s wedding day, so the killer will definitely take the day off from murdering people right? Nope. Everyone has processed down the aisle and now they are only waiting on Chad. I mean, Chad did say he didn’t think he was cut out to be monogamous but he also said he wouldn’t leave her at the altar like in “Julia Roberts movies or Grey’s Anatomy.”
Chanel notices drops of blood on her pristine white dress and looks up at the ceiling to see a huge blood spot. The ceiling breaks through and poor, dead Chad comes crashing down. But Chad can’t really be dead right? RIGHT?
With next week being the Halloween episode, we are definitely in store for some good stuff. And as Hester says in the preview, “Halloween night massacres happen in this hospital, this year it’s gonna be a doozy!”
What did you think of “Handidates”?