Welcome to the second episode of the final season of HBO’s Game of Thrones. Two down, four to go! This episode was like Christmas Eve where all our characters are waiting up all night in anticipation of dead people instead of Santa. It was long, it was intense, and we have a lot to cover so away we go!
Game of Thrones Recap: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”
Episode 802 | Airdate: April 21, 2019
MY EYES MY EYES: I am just cutting right to it, Arya had sex with Gendry. Girl I do not play and we just getting to the good stuff. Except Arya got naked and I got uncomfortable. On paper hooray girl go get it. Visually? I’m screaming.
It was like watching my little baby sister I don’t have doing some dude. I AM UPSET. But I am not upset….ok I am upset. I was ok with never seeing little Arya naked. Gendry looked really into it. Arya looked disappointed so I guess the girl with no name also has no orgasms or something. In other news, he made her the weapon she requested, and he told her he’s Robert’s bastard. Apparently, this was all foreplay and while I did see this coming, I thankfully did not see Arya coming. Thank God they cut away. God Bless HBO.
Most Reunion Scenes In One Episode: Poor Jaime had to talk to everybody this episode. After standing uncomfortably in front of Sansa and Dany, Jaime is cleared to fight because Brienne stood up for him. Then he has a moment with Bran…..but who can really have a moment with a devoid of all human emotion robot. Jaime feels bad for what he did to Bran, however I wish he would have killed the dick. Tyrion and Jaime also reunited and discussed the fact they are both going to die in Winterfell, a cold ass town they both hate.
The Night’s Watch also had a reunion which was briefly interrupted by Tormund bear hugging Jon. He’s more concerned though if the Big Woman is still around. Theon arrives in Winterfell and hugs Sansa. Are they going to get together? I had some weird feels here because I hate them both and they looked all into each other. Sansa would end up with the guy with no penis. Unfortunately, I see Theon dying right away and hopefully he does because the dumb idiot volunteered to defend Bran.
Bitch Fest 2019: So, Dany and Sansa sit and girl talk about how they really hate each other but how they should at least pretend to like each other. They didn’t say that but let’s be real it’s the truth. Sansa thinks Jon loves Dany and is stupid, whereas Dany says she’s up North and might die so she clearly is the dumb one. Yay they agree!!!! Sansa wants the North back after this war….ohhhh they hate each other again. Go Sansa for ruining that alliance in under a minute.
Reminder: Arya lost her virginity. AHHHHHHHHHH MY EYES.
Stop Trying to Get Me To Change My Alliance To Dany: I was an English major so I see what this show trying to do with all the damn foreshadowing. Jaime is asking Tyrion if Dany is a good queen. You got Dany calling Tyrion stupid and then listening to Jorah and forgiving him. YUCK. Sam’s speech last week that Dany isn’t a good queen cause she killed his family. Jon avoiding his aunt and making weird faces at her all episode. Dany getting easily frustrated at everyone, and then getting pissed at the big reveal at the end…which we will discuss later. I DON’T WANT TO HATE HER SO STOP TRYING TO MAKE HER ANNOYING IN LITTLE WAYS.
My Plan to End the War: Give the Night King Bran. Simple, direct and to the point. It’s all he wants really. I am also pretty sure he will kill himself once he is in Bran’s presence and just stares at him all day.
Best Pre War Party: Tormund deserves a special shout out for being the life of the party with his I Killed A Giant story. Also, anyone that brings their own drinking horn to a party is amazing. How Brienne resists him is beyond me. Everyone thinks they are going to die so they are staying up all night drinking, preparing any moment for the arrival of the White Walkers. (or having sex like Arya ahhhhhhhhhhh my eyes). Tormund is scaring Jaime every second, and terrifying Brienne with his eye sex. Tyrion thinks they will all survive which gets a good laugh, Podrick sings, and Jaime knights Brienne. It was a very emotional moment, Brienne cried, and I expected Tormund to scream me next.
Line of the Episode: Goes to Arya, when she is hanging out with the Hound and Beric. I don’t want to die with you two miserable old shits. Truer words have never been spoken.
Random Question: Tyrion asked Bran his story and then we never saw anything again. Did it only take Bran 5 minutes to tell the story or did he just stare at Tyrion and he walked away? Like what was his reaction? I don’t even like Bran scenes but this made no sense. I feel like Tyrion would be like oooh really can you flashback to <insert random past moment here>.
Auntie Dany: The episode ended with the Dead finally arriving at Winterfell but before that Dany found out her brother actually married Jon’s mom and he is her nephew. She seemed perturbed with the fact he has a case for the Iron Throne, more so than the fact she is screwing her nephew. Priorities people! He knows it’s true, while she thinks he’s dumb for believing that weird brother of his and the fat guy. Guess what it’s true, just get married and the ISSUE IS OVER! Just saying.
Will Dany and Jon argue over this issue? Will Grey Worm get to take Missandei on a vacation? Will we lose many beloved characters next week? Will Arya be able to fight after having sex? I mean really? Find out next week on an all new Game of Thrones!