‘Sons of Anarchy’ Review: ‘Poor Little Lambs’

I shall calmly start off this review by saying THERE ARE DEAD BITCHES EVERYWHERE!! So clearly this was a low-key episode. Nothing serious happened. Live is blissful and Charming is just a perfect slice of apple pie America. Yeah right, and Unser is my favorite character.

Tonight we saw Jax’s quest for revenge unravel as his sneaky dealings become exposed, and the club is made to pay. Let’s take a look at the highlights (not Gemma’s hair by any means) of tonight’s episode:

CameHOs: We were blessed with two ho’s this evening: Marilyn Manson and Courtney Love. Anyone else feeling dirty and need to shower? Marilyn was actually funny this evening as Tully, your old fashioned white Supremacist.  Then we had Courtney Love as Abel’s preschool teacher…..no you read that right. I’m not sure who’d leave their kids with Courtney Love, but I cannot wait until Wendy picks up Abel and her and Miss Harrison start sharing needles. Gemma might be right in her guess that Abel will end up like Jax. He’ll also know how to spell methadone by age six. Dear God, this should be interesting…

Mommy Fetish: I never need to hear Jax and Gemma discuss his mommy fetish every again. That’s for all of us to joke about, not for them to actually ADMIT IS AN ISSUE! Yuck! Blech! HUHHfafladnlacvvearelcl!

Juicy Fruit: This kid is fucking off the wall bonkers and someone needs to put the dog down. Now he is talking to himself outloud. By all means show your buttocks every week, but the insanity coming out of your mouth is just painful. This kid should have died hanging off the tree seasons ago. There is an APB out on Juice now that Althea, the not black sheriff (thanks Gemma!), has put out due to the club’s lies. Gemma is also done with Juice so she’s going to take him out of town herself. So Juice doesn’t want to die, he just doesn’t want to be alone. Apparently when he’s alone all the voices in his head get real loud, and OH MY GOD SHOOT THIS GUY RIGHT NOW! Gemma should seriously shoot Juice. He knows too much, he’s fucking insane, and he’s about to drive to Jax’s house and take a nap on his front porch. I cannot believe that I character that I once loved has become such a fucking mess, but I guess that was Kurt’s plan all along.

Who Knew the Random Preacher Orgy would be Important?:  Quite a long lead in topic heading, but seriously I didn’t think we’d hear about the preacher with orgy and panty fetishes every again. It’s pretty complicated and long, and I really didn’t pay attention because I didn’t care 100% about what they were talking about, BUT Reverend dead guy was important to August Marks. Marks partner was that dead orgy man and his wife! So Jax has to go looking for his wife and stumbles upon her and her son. They try to get away and in the process, Tig gets shot, wife almost drowns, and Jax’s hair wet looks like a wet poodle. At the end of the day, Jax is protecting these two from Marks, and in the process will proceed to make even more enemies for himself. Just perfect!

OKChibs.com: Chibs touched Althea’s hand!! Breaking news, Chibs touched Althea’s hand!! Of course this was after the Chinese retaliated against SAMCRO, throwing a grenade into the ice cream shop, but everyone’s love story has to start somewhere. If anyone can get over some random cops being gunned down during a drug deal gone wrong, it’s these two. (ugh! this is so white trash).

Venus Trager: The name has a nice ring to it, and it’s clearly true love for Tig and Venus. I’ve loved them as a couple since they first met. Yes they are unconventional, but there is something about Venus that makes Tig less of a psychopath. She calls him Alexander, he doesn’t care she was born with a penis. If that’s not true love then I don’t know what is. Hopefully Tig recovers from his gunshot wound, but it honestly looked pretty bad. I honestly thought he was a goner the minute he got shot. The couple brought humor to an otherwise serious episode, especially all the strange looks Jax and the crew gave Tig whenever they were openly flirting with each other.

Ay DIOSA mio: Nero thinks Jax is out of control, and confronts Gemma about it. The charges are dropped against Nero once Jax pummels that random ugly prostitute’s father, so Nero is upset that things are becoming quite chaotic. Things also take a turn for the worse when someone tips off the Chinese that it was SAMCRO behind the hit against them. Lin retaliates and has his men kill everyone at Diosa, and he also finds the guns that Jax was hiding. That’s right, all the prostitutes are dead. Colette, Jax’s favorite mommy prostitute dies in the hit. I didn’t see Lyla in the pile, and it seemed like she got away to direct porn hopefully. It’s a interesting day when I have to wish Lyla was off doing porn in order to save her life. Nero is clutching his Jesus necklace and Jax looks livid. I wonder when either of them are going to ask, “hey where’s Gemma?”

So it is officially On, and it’s Lin vs. Jax. It’s also Marks vs. Jax. It’s also the Mayans vs. everyone, which includes Jax. It’s also Jax vs. Juice. I’m sensing a theme this season. Who will die in the massive fight between Lin and Jax? Will Gemma finalloy get rid of Juice? Did Tig survive his gunshot wound? Did Tig survive a night with Venus? Will Unser ever NOT be the one to die? JFC he is outliving young cops now people! Find out next week on an all new Sons of Anarchy.