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What is there to say about the Game of Thrones Season 6 finale “The Winds of Winter” other than “Oh My God”! So much happened – tons of people died, tones of people kicked ass, and revenge was the theme of the night.
Let’s kick off this discussion.
Trial by Wildfire
Cersei. Killed. Everybody. Well first she paid homage to Prince and Michael Jackson by putting on a black military outfit. Really, it looked like her dad’s suit. After Loras pled guilty and became a member of the Seven, Margaery realized the whole trial was a trap, and Cersei was not going to show up. Zombie Mountain kept Tommen from attending the ceremony, and it became clear Margaery was right to be scared. Maester Pycelle was stabbed to death by little children, but let’s face it he had it coming. Lancel sees that the wildfire is being used to blow up the Great Sept. but his injuries prevent him from saving the day. Margaery is not allowed to leave and is forced to stay, and unfortunately everyone realizes she was right. So in one blow Cersei kills the Sparrows, the Tyrells, and her uncle. Shocking? No, but sad the Tyrells are dead, I liked Margaery but Cersei cleaned house. The sick part was how Cersei smiled as everyone died.
SHAME
Okay Cersei made sure her evil Septa would get tortured by the Zombie Mountain forever! Eww I hope this doesn’t mean something rapey but it’s worse not knowing what’s happening to the creepy nun.
Tommen Bounced
He probably literally bounced when he hit the ground after he jumped off that ledge and killed himself. Sad way to go and made the prophecy hanging over Cersei’s head all the more true. Methinks Cersei will die and it will be by the hand of someone she trusts…possibly with a gold hand.
Walder Frey Will Finally Shut Up
The gross old dude who impregnates everyone is finally no longer with us. The Freys and the Lannisters party after their victory, and Walder makes an ass of himself per usual. Jaime reminds him that he and his sons are useless and cannot fight their own battles. As Walder gets more cake, he flirts with the servant girl. The servant girl explains that the cake is made of his son’s bodies. How Shakespearean! He kind of throws up in his mouth, and the servant girl is really Arya Stark!!! Boom bitch, she introduces herself and then slits the assholes’ throat. Red Wedding Avenged!
Sam Goes to Hogwarts
Okay, it was fancier than Hogwarts, but still it looked like Westeros University with a grand old library.
It Only Took Six Seasons But…
WINTER IS HERE! IT IS NO LONGER COMING!
The Red Bitch Still Lives
Everyone else was allowed to die, but noooooo Melisandre gets to still live. I guess they needed to save someone for Season 7. Davos confronts her over Shireen’s death and she does not deny it. She confesses her crimes to Davos and Jon, but maintains it was the Lord’s will. She does not fear death, but believes she is destined to do more. Jon banishes her from the North, and she will be hung if she ever returns. Melisandre leaves Winterfell, but hopefully she comes across Arya pretty soon.
I Still Loathe Sansa
She apologizes to Jon for being a tool and not telling him about the Knights of the Vale. He thinks they need to trust each other. She meets with Littlefinger and it’s like a bad after school special. DON’T GO INTO THE WOOODS WITH THE CREEPY GUY! Littlefinger admits he wants the Iron Throne and Sansa as his wife. She’s like girl bye, but he’s putting it in her head she should lead Winterfell instead of Jon. Yeah Finger dude can die next, Ned Stark’s death has still not been avenged….maybe next year.
OMG the Writers Remembered Dorne Still Exists
The Sand Snakes are running Dorne and meeting with Lady Olenna. She is in mourning for her family but not sad enough to not school the snake bitches on shutting the hell up. I praise her and her shade. Varys went to Dorne for allies on behalf of Dany, and they want her to join their cause of fire and blood. This season has really been about the women stepping up and taking over. I like this!
Friend Zoned
Goodbye Daario, it was nice seeing your butt for a few seasons but we done with you. Dany dropped Daario because it wouldn’t be a good look bringing her misteress to Westeros. She wants him to stay in Meereen, and that sucks so bad. He says he loves her, she wants to cringe and die. Tyrion fails in consoling her but he believes in her and that she will be a great ruler. She makes him Hand of the Queen and he bows. I LOVE WHEN THINGS COME TOGETHER FOR PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Bran Muffin Is Still With Us However (But He Discovers Something Useful)
Benjen says his goodbyes and Bran takes over as the Three-Eyed Raven. Then we get the ultimate Ned Stark flashback — Ned is by his sister Lyanna’s side as she dies, and she asks him to promise her something. That something is — drumroll please — protecting her newborn son, JON SNOW!!! That’s right, R + L = J! The long-held fan theory is true. Jon is half Stark and half Targaryen. Which means he can still sleep with anyone on this show since no one cares about incest. It also means he really is as important as everyone thought he is. But for now, he is King in the North.
Lady Mormont Dropped the Mic
She announces that Jon is her King, and drops the mic on these bitches. Houses of the North all pledge themselves to Jon Snow, and Littlefinger looks butthurt at Sansa. THIS BETTER NOT BE A THING NEXT SEASON WHERE SHE TRIES TO START SHIT. That’s her cousin she stepping to now, back off bitch. Jon is also now the greatest bastard that ever lived.
Everyone Gets a Throne
Now that Tommen is dead, naturally the throne would go to Cersei after this broad had the audacity to name herself the next Queen. This brother-f***** always gets her way. She manages to arrange her coronation after blowing up the city, and makes creepy scientist guy her Hand. Great now we have to deal with even more of her shit. Jaime looks scared as fuck that she’s sitting on the throne. She looks smug, but little does she know she’s in for s surprise and a war with everyone she’s pissed off because….
WE GOING TO WESTEROS BITCHES!!!!
After six seasons, Dany is finally going to Westeros, and she is not going alone. She has the Greyjoys, the Unsullied, the Dothraki, the Martells, the Tyrells, Tyrion, Varys, Missandei, and the dragons on her side. Have I missed anyone? Cersei, you in danger girl.
Thanks for tuning in this season, it has been fun. See you next year for an all new season of Game of Thrones!
I’ll have an in-depth review of Season 6 as well as my thoughts on where the series will go in Season 7.
And it’s adios to Loras, one of the worst-written characters ever on this show – or on any TV show I can remember. One stereotype and anti-gay trope after another, and pointless, demeaning rewrites that never had any real purpose or made any sense. The show even had him tortured (and per Finn Jones) raped for two seasons only to have absolutely no story purpose. His love for Renly (his defining characteristic in the books) was ignored, even as the show couldn’t stop having Brienne yammer on about Renly – the only time they had him mention Renly was to renounce him, which had zero viewer impact, because most viewers likely had no idea he still gave a damn about Renly anyway. Not when he’d been treated as a gay joke from season 3 on. Renly’s only apparent story purpose in 6 seasons was to have sex with a prostitute he knew had betrayed his family, all so that the show would have a reason for Loras and Margaery to be arrested. How clever of the producers to rewrite the story to blame a gay man for the whole thing – indeed, the show did such a terrible job of adding ANY emotional weight to Loras’ torture or the homphobia of the High Sparrow that a number of fans seemed to think the Faith were supposed to be the good guys in the story. The show had more sympathy for Cersei than they did for Loras.
If I’d known how homophobic and damaging the show’s writing was going to be, I probably never would have bothered watching it.