Then, of course, the Chanels make their less than triumphant return.
Hold on tight because this logic gets a little confusing. After they were exonerated, they thought they would become heroes but boy were they wrong. Basically everyone in the world hated them for the crazy awful things they did in the Kappa House and they were even disowned by their wealthy families. Tragic. They decided to go back and finish college with a Communications major because “it’s by far the easiest” but quickly learned their degrees were “practically worthless.” Their words, not mine.
During graduation, Chanel looks up and see a poster for a blood drive and decides to maybe try doing something good for a change. Chanel becomes a certified phlebotomist, Chanel #5 becomes a dentist office receptionist, and Chanel #3 mops up at the local men’s fertility clinic. So they’re living the dream. Dean Munsch also seeks out the Chanels and wants them to enroll as medical students because they have medical field experience, so why not become doctors? The reason why Munsch is doing this is still not revealed. And our first big scream of the season occurs when Zayday first see the Chanels at the hospital, because they are truly terrifying.
Next, we are gifted a Brock Holt shower scene and Chanel looks like her eyes are going to pop out and jaw meet floor. Chanel #5 and #3 quickly catch on and also ogle the man in front of them before Munsch introduces them. After Brock leaves, Munsch gives the Chanels and Zayday a quick orientation of their responsibilities which include “ghosting” and not much else. And this isn’t the ghosting you may be used to which is clear after a long discussion of what ghosting really means. Munsch’s definition is the only one that matters which is to follow doctors around and stand there silently.
Back to Catherine. Basically they think the only way to cure her Werewolf Syndrome is to give her a lobotomy and obviously Catherine is concerned, but luckily for her Chanel is comforting her when it’s time to sign the consent form for the procedure. Just kidding! “Just sign it Sasquatch!
The Chanels then encounter advanced practice registered nurse and C.U.R.E. Institute’s Head of Administration, Ingrid Marie Hoffel (Kirstie Alley). I’m truly surprised that Chanel figured out that her initials, I.M. Hoffel, sound like “I am awful” so quickly. Bravo Chanel! Hoffel confronts the girls that they are not doctors and they simply “do not belong here.” This interaction between Hoffel and the Chanels was great and definitely something I will be looking forward to in upcoming episodes.
After being put on academic probation and confined to their dorms by Dean Munsch for terrible bedside manner, the Chanels decide they actually do want to be doctors. TV doctors, that is. I laughed out loud at Chanel’s dream TV segment, “How to Swallow a Tapeworm with Dr. Chanel Oberlin.” At least they finally want to put their Communication degrees to use, I guess! Chanel sets out to find a cure for Catherine by seducing Brock in the weirdest way possible. I have never heard “3 glasses of whole milk” said so sensually. But it works and Brock figures out Catherine’s diet includes way too much testosterone, so to have her hair fall out they need to balance out her hormones. Brock stops her surgery before it begins and starts a hormone regime for Catherine instead. So Catherine is cured but now has another problem – girl has no hair at all. The Chanels decide to give her a makeover, set to Vacation by the Go-Go’s. Once all is done Catherine tells them they changed her life and now she’s going to take her first Tinder profile picture. Whatever makes you happy, I guess.
Munsch is impressed with the Chanels but Hoffel is not and once again says that they don’t belong there. And it turns out, Munsch and Hoffel are scheming against the girls, together! This is going to be good.
Now that Munsch lifted their academic probation, they can go on dates with Brock and Cassidy! Except for Chanel #5 who now has to work the graveyard shift at the hospital because she’s dateless. Number 5 is upset but decides to deal with her stress with a scalding hot hydrotherapy bath along with newly made-over Catherine. Number 5 locks them both in their tanks and at first I thought their skin was going to melt off or something, but no. We see someone dressed in the green costume from the beginning of the episode, possibly The Green Meanie, wielding a machete. Poor Catherine got her head chopped off first, right onto Number 5’s hydrotherapy tank and before we could see her fate the episode cut to black. I would guess she wasn’t killed, but we’ll have to see next week for sure!
This was a solid season opener for Scream Queens, despite having to spend a majority of the episode catching the audience up to everything that was happening. I would think the upcoming episodes will have more content and craziness we have all learned to love. The preview for next week is complete with a naked Chad Radwell, surely up to no good and I am here for it.
What did you think of “Scream Again”?