The CW’s Supernatural, the series that never ends, returned for its Season 13 premiere on October 12 and I couldn’t be happier to see Sam and Dean back on my screen.
The road so far: In our Season 12 finale, Castiel ran off to a cabin with Kelly, who was about to give birth to the literal spawn of Lucifer, the Winchesters close on their heels, followed by the Devil himself. Sam and Dean found them just as Kelly went into labor. The brothers, Crowley, and Cas came up with a plan to get rid of Lucifer forever. It almost worked, with Crowley sacrificing himself in a failed attempt to trap Lucifer, who then killed Castiel and almost killed Sam and Dean until Mary showed up and knocked his ass into an alternate dimension. Unfortunately, he dragged her in with him just as it closed behind them, trapping them both. Whelp! You win some, you lose some! Inside the cabin, Kelly died in childbirth, because her baby boy Jack was born as a whole ass adult. Heartbreak. Nothin’ but heartbreak.
Speaking of Jack, the season premiere titled “Lost and Found” opens with Dean leaning over Castiel’s body, while Sam stares in shock at Jack, who has creepy cool glowing gold eyes. Outside, you can literally see the determination settle over Dean’s delicious features, as he cocks his gun and strides inside. Jack is confused, calling Sam “Father”, which I totally understand. I’ve often found myself calling Sam “Zaddy” when I see him too. Dean takes one look at Jack and tries to shoot his face off. Because, that’s what one does when confronting a newborn grown up child of the Devil, right? Sam tries to stop him because he must sense what everyone in the audience sensed, and that’s the unholy ass whooping they are about to receive.
And boy, do they. Jack’s eyes glow even creepier cool and he screams in fury, unleashing some kind of sick anti-gravity shockwave that hurls them backwards and knocks them unconscious. They don’t wake up until the next day, with Dean snapping out of a nightmare of Mary, moments before she beat Lucifer’s ass with the Enochian brass knuckles, but instead of pounding on Lucifer, she bursts into flame, before once again burning on a ceiling. Dean’s suffering and I’m distraught.
I have my issues with Mary, because I thought she was a total dick when she came back and immediately abandoned the love of my life, giving him even more Mommy issues. But if Dean can forgive her, I can…put her on probation. But then she saved my soul mate, and Sam, so probation over!
Sam and Dean take off after Jack, who is wandering down an empty street in his just borns. He spots Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats, a fast food restaurant, naked strolls right up to the drive thru and proceeds to try and, I don’t know, order a father? The teens working the drive thru look outside and gawk at the naked grown baby devil. One of the kids calls his mom, who just so happens to be the town sheriff.
The sheriff takes Jack in and tries questioning him, and although Jack already has an uncanny grasp of the English language, he’s not super helpful. All he can remember is that his mom is in heaven (sob!); he’s looking for his father (yikes), and the bad lady burning (Dagon, Prince/Princess of Hell). This would give me pause, but the sheriff just moves right along. Running his prints just leaves the sheriff as perplexed as ever, while her son is convinced Jack is high as a kite. Let’s be honest here, it’s a valid assumption.
Back to my love and his yummy brother, they’re on Jack’s trail, but with wildly different ideas on how to handle this situation. Sam’s not convinced that Jack is the monster they expected but Dean’s ready to throw everything they’ve got at Jack and take him out. Then they can deal with the rest, insisting that Cas is for real dead, in the no-coming-back-from-that kind of way. He’s internalizing his pain like he always does, and slaying my soul. They arrive at Pete’s and Sam heads inside to ask around but has to wait while a drunken mess demands fries, even though the cashier keeps trying to tell her they don’t serve fries. Sam tells them he’s looking for a young, naked guy, and Drunky and I are both like, me too, girl. While the cashier tells Sam about Jack, Drunky stumbles outside to see Dean walking by, knuckles bloody and torn. She strikes up conversation – because who wouldn’t??- and rambles on about an old roommate named Becky who was self-involved and destroyed everything until Drunky just had to set her stuff on fire. As you do. Sam and Dean take off, leaving Drunky to watch them, and I have a weird feeling about this chick. She is so not who she pretends to be.
Back at the cabin, angels wander the house looking for Jack. They find Kelly and Castiel’s bodies, and while the female angel is sympathetic, the male angel could literally give a shit. Dean was right back in season four. Angels are dicks.